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19 Of The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

"I've got 99 problems and they're all luftballoons."

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HAPPY APARTMENT HUNTING!!!! NYC BROKERS ARE THE UNSUNG HEROS OF NYC

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Your law firm name is your surname plus the surnames of all the other named partners at your law firm

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I've got 99 problems and they're all luftballons.

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when the estrogen's high / you can't code with this guy / that's damore

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Larger sample size = more accurate results x https://t.co/Lg7AhYDGm9

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so, i’m waiting for trump’s opioid briefing to start and just noticed … the white house spelled opioid wrong

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Send prayers & good wishes for the guy who tried to pick my pocket on the luas, took out a tampon, got mortified & tried to put it back.

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What Names are Short For: Tom - Thomas Tim - Thimas Jon - Jonmas Phil - Philmas Dan - Danthaniel Rick - Ricktoria Bob - Bobmas OR Bobbert

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My boyfriend just went really quiet for awhile then asked me in a worried tone "...where does a shark's face end?"

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My tote bag is made from recycled water bottles and my husband is made from clay and a spell

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Social media is also great if you want to travel around the world but still be preoccupied with your friend's emotional stability in Burbank

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I hate book descriptions like 'she wore her hair gathered at the nape of her neck' like that's a pony tail my dude

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I haven't worked out the details but I'm pretty sure we can fix this mess with closed-circuit TV and a replica of the Fox & Friends set.

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Amelia Earhart is cool shit in this photo and now I too want a red plane and big pants and to die alone in the ocean

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