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My last brain cell trying to formulate longer tweets knowing damn well the internet took my literacy 5 years ago
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You had me at "press ham into a muffin tin".
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who named them kegels and not puss ups
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A reboot of SEX AND THE CITY with Jeff Goldblum playing all four characters.
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*uses last breath to grunt in Extremely Manly Voice* living is for GIRLS
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peak beauty luxury is invisibility. ghosts have won
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STATUS UPDATE: Waiting for history to vindicate me, as it always does
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Sometimes I won't double text my fiancé because I don't want to come on too strong, then I remember that she agreed to literally marry me.
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One my biggest life regrets is seeing The Sandlot at an outdoor screening and there was a very tall guy in a tall c… https://t.co/EuJ8XrCbTe
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I miss the days when seeing a celebrity trend meant that they were dead and not a rapist.
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therapist: how have you been me: *hair falling out, can't focus on work, constantly anxious, none of my old hobbie… https://t.co/CI62eDcL1V
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i'm teaching myself 2 play guitar but don't worry it's ONLY so i can have SOMETHING IN COMMON with boys who don't give a shit about me!
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