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19 Of The Most Hilarious Tweets By Women This Week

"I need a sugar daddy to buy me a pick up truck and then leave me alone forever."

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1.

i've found if you say "well well well" as soon as someone sits down across from you, you immediately get the upper hand for about 2 seconds.

2.

She cried doing what she loved: eating

3.

Sailors: "Brandy, ur a fine girl, what a good wife u would be, but my life, my love, my l--" Brandy: "I'm at work. Do u want a beer or not."

4.

Nutritionist: You cannot survive on soft pretzels Me: Watch this

5.

Entrepreneur: noun, an unemployed man on Bumble

6.

How you doin' lil' mama Let me whisper in ya ear Tell ya somethin' that ya might like to hear Got a sexy ass body a… https://t.co/9Ykmv49RIj

7.

*at my funeral* Friend crying over my casket: look they're burying her in her favorite dress Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets

8.

I'm not a complicated woman When I watch GLOW, I want them to kiss Also true for all other women on tv

9.

I just ate a corned beef hash at 3:15am like some sort of fucking legend.

10.

My boyfriempt just threw me into the pool so hard I went thru the cement bottom and now am in the earth. Ugh Brian!!!! Jerk!!!! Ha ha

11.

Must be nice to only have body issues once a year.

12.

"Oh my god, that picture you took of the fireworks looked SO good." - no one

13.

Sometimes I feel like a woman trapped in a man's patriarchy

14.

Holy shit he's mansplaining mansplaining! It's like mansplaining inception! https://t.co/Nd5Fob1CAN

15.

i need a sugar daddy to buy me a pick up truck and then leave me alone forever

16.

If a friend in another state asks "is it a full moon where you are too?" I can't be friends with them right?

17.

18.

My least favorite people are the ones that try to talk for my cat & use the wrong voice & have him call me "mama".

19.

an old lady at the register gave me this yesterday so i guess i don't have to be verified on twitter

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