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    Posted on Jul 9, 2017

    19 Of The Most Hilarious Tweets By Women This Week

    "I need a sugar daddy to buy me a pick up truck and then leave me alone forever."


    i've found if you say "well well well" as soon as someone sits down across from you, you immediately get the upper hand for about 2 seconds.


    She cried doing what she loved: eating


    Sailors: "Brandy, ur a fine girl, what a good wife u would be, but my life, my love, my l--" Brandy: "I'm at work. Do u want a beer or not."


    Nutritionist: You cannot survive on soft pretzels Me: Watch this


    Entrepreneur: noun, an unemployed man on Bumble


    How you doin' lil' mama Let me whisper in ya ear Tell ya somethin' that ya might like to hear Got a sexy ass body a…


    *at my funeral* Friend crying over my casket: look they're burying her in her favorite dress Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets


    I'm not a complicated woman When I watch GLOW, I want them to kiss Also true for all other women on tv


    I just ate a corned beef hash at 3:15am like some sort of fucking legend.


    My boyfriempt just threw me into the pool so hard I went thru the cement bottom and now am in the earth. Ugh Brian!!!! Jerk!!!! Ha ha


    Must be nice to only have body issues once a year.


    "Oh my god, that picture you took of the fireworks looked SO good." - no one


    Sometimes I feel like a woman trapped in a man's patriarchy


    Holy shit he's mansplaining mansplaining! It's like mansplaining inception!


    i need a sugar daddy to buy me a pick up truck and then leave me alone forever


    If a friend in another state asks "is it a full moon where you are too?" I can't be friends with them right?



    My least favorite people are the ones that try to talk for my cat & use the wrong voice & have him call me "mama".


    an old lady at the register gave me this yesterday so i guess i don't have to be verified on twitter

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