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ONLY M.DAMON WE ACKNOWLEDGE IS MAILER-DAEMON
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h/t @spkheller
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yeah tweet formats are cool but have you tried having sex
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imagine dying, becoming a ghost, and finding out your ghost job is to teach a rich asshole why he should be a socialist
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For sale. Baby shoes. Capitalist dystopia.
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me, 96 yrs old: *takes long drag off cigarette* yes we lost a lot of good souls in the war on christmas great grand… https://t.co/l7IxZHRl3M
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Honestly I would rather my boyfriend cheat on me than get me Pandora jewelry for Christmas
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Update: at 5:05 yesterday after a long visit to IKEA, I gave birth to 1 table and 1 chair. The table is named Stock… https://t.co/ukyX9XVGFn
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That's it, my heart has burst 💔 a Dublin based dog kennel nativity😭
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The solution I’ve been looking for
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Why do men speak to me
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i <3 my job
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i like how women get the reputation for "being clingy" while my 58 yr old father has spent the entire day pouting b… https://t.co/O26seGsJl6
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“Per my last e-mail” is office speak for “bitch can you read”
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Jared right after reminding the teacher to collect last night's homework assignment.
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experimenting with “playing it cool” and honestly it’s not worth it
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the hardest part of relationships is realizing the other person is still talking