1.
If someone refers to you as whip smart you are definitely about to get sexually harassed
2.
the easiest way to make me cry is to remember that clip of Adele going undercover as an Adele impersonator and then they realize she’s Adele and everyone sings together https://t.co/LYfiKP9xYY
3.
i'm genuinely confused when people make fun of Antoni from queer eye for only knowing how to slice an avocado? he's blinding beautiful? since when do beautiful people have to "know things"? this is america. don't forget our traditions
4.
Boys please learn how to take selfies so I stop embarrassing myself when I show my friends your pictures. Now I gotta explain that you’re cuter in person and these bitches looking at me like I got a crush on a toad.
5.
Hope Hicks lasted approximately 19.6 Scaramuccis as communications director
6.
lol which one of you messed with th condensed milk Wikipedia page
7.
[reading an eighteenth-century document] me: don't you do it my brain: ........ me: DON'T my brain: maffachufetts
8.
Overheard a woman say very angrily on the phone “I married a stale ham sandwich of a human” and calling someone a stale ham sandwich is probably my new favorite insult
9.
Hot days are hard for goths. leave a large bowl of water out for your local goth teen / adult
10.
11.
yeah sex is cool but have you ever eaten shredded cheese straight from the bag at 1am while standing in front of your refrigerator?
12.
me when i go out with my 22 year old roommate and her friend
13.
I’m a professional entertainment writer and men still talk to me about movies like I just woke up in an encino man scenario and am not yet familiar with the concept of movies
14.
Hey, does anyone know how to leave this timeline and move to a different one?
15.
This date’s so big it should be called a relationship
16.
who wants my essay on chauvinism as witnessed in sharing a sonos with a majority male office
17.
The kid who lived next door to me growing up posts motivational yoga poses + quotes on his Instagram and it’s like, how did we both end up so annoying in such different ways?