Style

A Definitive Ranking Of The Best Celebrity Jorts

#Jortslyfe.

18. Chris Brown

Jason LaVeris / FilmMagic

Evaluative notes: Brown boldly pairs his jorts with business socks and BET awards. He also proudly displays his love of Absolutely Fabulous and Dr. Who with jorts tagged “BBC.” But he’s still a douche, so.

17. Shia Labeouf

Alo Ceballos / Getty Images

Evaluative notes: Paler than the usual jort, but nevertheless of good length and fringe. Unfortunately being worn by Shia Labeouf.

16. Madonna

Ron Galella/Wireimage

Evaluative notes: Good use of contrasting denim on denim. Surprising pairing of black belt with jorts — a move that’s definitely not for amateurs.

15. Usher

Marcel Thomas / Getty Images

Evaluative notes: Usher’s man capris push the boundaries of jortsdom in both length and wash, and maybe not in a good way.

14. David Cross

Evaluative notes: As Tobias Funke, David Cross turned jorts-wearing into a pathological condition (one we’d be proud to have).

13. Rihanna

Evaluative notes: Maybe the most nontraditional jorts on the list, and certainly an impressive entry.

12. Pharrell

Evaluative notes: Of course Pharrell is good at jorts.

11. Jorts Costanza

Evaluative notes: Jorts so good you can’t look away (even though you want to).

10. Taylor Lautner

Summit Entertainment

Evaluative notes: Great jorts to abs ratio.

9. David Beckham

Evaluative notes: You wear jorts while lifting weights, too, right? Beckham’s tiny jorts get extra points because he’s working on his fitness.

8. Mark Wahlberg

David LeFranc / Getty Imges

 

Evaluative notes: Wahlberg has a long-standing relationship with jorts, one documented from the early ’90s on. You can’t fuck with that.

7. Danny McBride

Evaluative notes: Though they’re a bit on the long side for some, these jorts represent an earnest yearning for freedom that can’t be denied. The only jorts for Kenny Powers.

6. Zachary Quinto

Omar Acevedo/BuzzFoto / FilmMagic

Evaluative notes: Well worn and broken in, these jorts express a vibrant joie de vivre and dedication to the jorts lifestyle.

5. Kevin Smith

Andrew H. Walker / Getty Images

Evaluative notes: Enthusiastic hemmed jorts-wearer. Wears jorts regardless of weather or appropriateness. Dedicated.

4. Bill Hader

NBC

 

Evaluative notes: Mesmerizing.

3. Nathan Fillion

Evaluative notes: +1 for rollerblades.

2. Zach Galifianakis

Evaluative notes: JORTS R FLYING.

1. Paul Rudd

Eureka Pictures

 

Evaluative notes: Rudd is a gifted jorts-wearer. He is the Sheryl Sandberg of jorts — he really leans into wearing them. Cocksure and bold, Rudd stretches and preens in his jorts like a prize-winning turkey. Well done.

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