51 Things That Mildly Infuriate All Australian People
Do people in other countries not have to run the cold tap for 30 seconds in summer?
1. Being forced to use mustard, like some kind of sicko, when they run out of tomato and BBQ sauce at the Bunnings sausage sizzle.
2. Getting into your hot car on a summer's day and getting absolutely branded by the seatbelt buckle.
3. Thinking you can just duck down to the beach quickly without shoes and losing a layer of foot-flesh to the piping hot asphalt.
4. Trying to watch a video and getting the message: "Sorry, this video is not available to view in your region."
5. Going overseas and being asked by everyone if you're from England.
6. Or New Zealand.
7. Pumping out the Christmas tunes in the lead up to December, but feeling perversely out of place thanks to all the white Christmas references.
8. Listening to non-Aussie actors butchering the Australian accent in films.
9. And having to put up with their overuse of the phrase "G'day!"
10. And their use of shrimp instead of prawns.
11. Fighting with your Kiwi mates about who really invented the pavlova.
12. And the lamington.
13. Being descended on by a blood-thirsty gang of 'gulls when you try to eat chips by the beach.
14. And almost losing an eye to a magpie during the god awful swooping season.
15. Having a friend say "Your mate" while pointing at someone you absolutely fucking despise.
16. Online shopping and forgetting to change the currency.
17. Online shopping and realising the postage is gonna cost more than your whole cart.
18. Being told you can't afford a house because you order too much bloody smashed avo.
19. Then being told you "just have to look outside the city!"
20. Having a thong snap in the middle of a day sesh.
21. And having to fashion yourself a solution with whatever's lying around.
22. Watching your mate make a cold cup of Milo and being horrified when they pour the milk in first.
23. Public transport when it rains.
24. Public transport when it's 40+ degrees.
25. Public transport.
26. Craving a box of Chicken Crimpy Shapes, but getting stuck with the vastly inferior Pizza flavour.
27. Tucking into a Guzman and realising they forgot your damn guac.
28. Getting to the front of the coffee queue and realising you forgot your keep cup.
29. And feeling dirty and ashamed to use a takeaway cup.
30. Microwaving yourself a pie, only to have the outside rim burnt to a crisp and the inside meat still frozen.
31. Running into a bottle-o for a cheeky bag of goon and discovering they only have bottled wine.
32. Ducking into Woolies and realising you forgot your reusable bags.
33. Having to disconnect the Wi-Fi on your phone because the signal is so shit.
34. Then losing your 4G.
35. Losing half your Tim Tam to the bottom of your mug, because you dunked it for too long.
36. Watching non-Aussies try Vegemite as if it's a spoonful of Nutella.
37. Then watching them try to spread it on un-toasted, un-buttered bread.
38. Heading to Macca's for a quick drive-thru and being delegated to a waiting bay.
39. Travelling overseas and getting depressed by the state of other country's coffee scenes.
40. Taking a road trip for 6+ hours and realising you still haven't left the state.
41. Taking a road trip and having your air-con conk out halfway.
42. Resigning yourself to the fact that any overseas travel will see you stuck on an aeroplane for at least 10 hours.
43. Buying a few cocktails for your mates and getting handed a bill for $80+.
44. And being refused entry to the next bar, just because you're with a group.
45. Getting to the beach and seeing the shoreline covered in blue bottles.
46. Absolutely sweltering on a summer's day, but not being allowed to turn on the air-con because Dad's afraid of the electric bill.
47. And being completely ill-equipped to deal with the weather when it dips below 15 degrees.
48. Being charged $15 for an acai smoothie bowl and begrudgingly paying it because it's too hard to make at home.
49. Having to run the cold tap for 30 seconds in summer, before it finally drops to a temperature that won't burn the flesh off your hands.
50. Working a strong thong tan for pretty much six months out of the year.
51. And having to explain to non-Aussies that no, you don't actually mean a g-string.