Dating in the current age is...complicated, to say the least.
Which is why one newly single Australian woman decided to ask the good people of Reddit to guide her on new journey, writing: "How do people date in Australia in the modern age?"
In the comments, other single Aussies — plus those already coupled up — came forward with their rules, advice and good humour for approaching the dating scene.
Here are some of the best responses:
1. "When I was single and on the apps, I would go on multiple first dates with people. This didn't mean I was 'dating' them, it just meant I was interested in seeing if we connected. Sometimes those would progress to second and third dates. I simply continued keeping my options open, talking to other people and going on other dates, until someone felt 'serious' and we had the exclusivity talk, at which point I deleted all the apps and stopped going on dates with other people."
—u/xhandora
2. "I would say the online dating scene is fast paced and going out in person works well if you like to drink, because there's so much opportunity at bars/clubs. Meeting people out is a bit trickier if you don't want to drink all the time."
"Because the apps seem to offer a lot of choice, it's easy to go on multiple dates a week if you have the time and emotional/mental bandwidth. Just do what you feel comfortable with, otherwise you'll burn out.
Figuring out how to date in a sustainable way in terms of time, finances and energy is a unique process for everyone, but it will feel like a slog at times, a rollercoaster occasionally and mundane for the majority of the time with many once and done dates with perfectly nice people.
Good luck and may the journey be fun!"
—u/anew_winsome
3. "If I get asked on the date, I flat out refuse to split the bill. If you want to take me out, choose the restaurant etc, then the onus is on you to pay. If I ask you out and name the place/activity, then I fully expect to fund that date entirely. It's simple maths."
—u/[deleted]
4. "I’ve only been in Sydney a month and haven’t really invested much time yet, but I have to say the bar scene is a bit disappointing. The nightlife here isn’t as robust as some other major cities and even then, what do you really end up finding at the end of a night out? Never seems to be something long term."
5. "Casual sex is a thing. It's not unusual or wrong just to want sex for fun, but you need to be upfront about it, otherwise it’s seen as rude."
—u/roasterben
6. "I'm not belittling those that use dating apps, but I do think it creates an unhealthy expectation of dating. You have to nail the first impression because of the competitive nature of it all. Whenever I've got someone's number after meeting them on a night out in a club or bar it's already taken that edge off things."
7. "First of all, figure out what YOU want. Because that matters most. If you aren’t firm on that in your head, then you risk inadvertently getting upset at a boundary that you’ve not set or communicated. If you know this first, then you know upfront what becomes a dealbreaker."
"What would your expectations be for a first date? Would you be upset if, after your first or even second date, the person still had other dates as well? When would you expect commitment? What about sex? What about meeting their friends, parents, moving in together? All these things are subjective. Sex on a first date might be fine for some and a big no for others.
Once you know all this, it helps whittle down the prospective dates. Up to you how you communicate your wishes to them and if you end up being flexible."
8. "Dating burn out is real, you meet lots of nice people and some that are walking red flags, but can still be interesting and fun. When you feel the burn out just delete the apps for a bit and revisit later if you want. Most people tell on themselves pretty quick on the apps, so you can often dodge the massive red flags."
—u/Mind43dom
told my therapist I have burn out from dating and then 10 minutes later I opened up tinder to reply to the cute guy who looks mentally unstable 🥰
9. "Go on first dates, see if there is connection and go from there. Exclusivity is a conversation for later — you don't know who you will meet."
10. "Casual catch-up for a bite or coffee as a first date to check if we click, filter out the red flaggers and those where there is no spark. Have a few of these on weekday nights, maybe one on a weekend — important to not burn out from lining up too many otherwise it'll feel like back-to-back job interviews. Leave time to do your own hobbies and be you. Get off the sites and apps when you get serious."
11. "To meet people IRL, I recommend social sports — I personally recommend urban rec centres, since they operate in all different parts of Sydney and you can join as an individual. I've met so many people, even if I haven't met anyone I've wanted to date yet. It's a good time regardless and I've just joined a new team, so hope springs eternal."
—u/anew_winsome
12. "Lots of people might tell your that dating is all casual now and try to convince you that your rules and standards will see you missing out. I'm here to warn you that letting people talk you out of your boundaries will make you miserable. You're welcome to test your own rules, but don't let others push you around."
13. "Unfortunately, you can expect to be ghosted a couple of times and try not to take it too personally. It's best to always be honest with people if you're not interested and if you get ghosted, just assume you dodged a bullet."
Someone who ghosted me tinder just walked into the shop with a date
14. "I used to do a coffee or a beer as a first date, something low key, something short and low cost. If I was interested, then probably splurge for dinner or lunch next. Nothing worse than spending cash on lots of dinners and not finding anything worth it. I also split the bill — why should a guy pay for everything?"
—u/MissJessAU
15. "There’s no hard and fast rules to dating — everyone sets their own boundaries. You simply have to communicate with the person you're connecting with to understand what’s expected of your relationship in its different stages. The general assumption is that unless you explicitly talk about being in a romantic relationship, casual dating doesn’t mean you’re exclusive. Just be honest with yourself and with your potential partner as to what your personal expectations are."
—u/Camsy34
16. "When I was single, for a first meet-up, I did a lot of breakfast dates. They’re short and sweet and to me it felt a lot safer when meeting strangers. Bonus: If you don’t like the person, it’s really easy to make an excuse to leave (have to work, visiting family, promised to help a friend move etc.). Good luck!"
breakfast dates > any other dates
17. "This probably sounds really naive, but know this: Not everyone wants to get married. Not everyone wants kids. Not everyone wants a lifelong relationship. And if they're dodging those topics or making you feel bad for wanting to discuss them, that's a big red flag that they can't provide those things for you."
18. "For what it’s worth, don’t approach finding a romantic partner by putting pressure on yourself to find a romantic partner. Instead, look for a basic friendly connection first. It really takes the pressure off and not only are you more likely to build a solid foundation before taking things to the next level, but you’re also more likely to enjoy the process much more as opposed to feeling like you’re a contestant on The Bachelor."
19. "Feel free to go either completely silent after a date (ghosting) or very blunt and/or vague with rejection reasons. Something like 'I'm not feeling it, sorry' is a good one. Giving specific reasons for stopping things is nearly always a bad idea."
—u/Tummybunny2
ghosting someone on tinder versus getting ghosted on tinder
20. And finally: "It's so important that you get a good vibe from the person you go out with. Trust your gut — if you feel like something is off with them, it probably is. If there's nothing wrong, but your wants for the relationship don't align with his, it's best not to pursue any relationship."
—u/ThrowRARAw
What do you think are the rules to dating in the modern age? Any advice for the OP on how to meet ~the one~? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
Reddit responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.