1. Replacing “thank you” with “no worries”.
2. Or, if you’re feeling extra charitable, “NO WUCKAS”.
3. Replacing “hello” with “how ya going?”, but not wanting or expecting an actual response.
4. Adding inflection to the end of every sentence, so that it sounds like you’re constantly asking questions?
5. Finding a huntsman in your bedroom, but leaving it there while you sleep, because “it’s one of the nice ones”.
6. Saying "woop woop" to describe a place that's at least an hour’s drive away.
7. Using empty bottles of alcohol as decoration in your home, as the height of interior design.
8. Replacing the word “drunk” with “maggot”, “hammered”, “shit-faced”, “pissed” or “fucked”.
9. Chomping down a devon and tomato sauce sanga, with zero knowledge of what’s actually inside the meat.
10. Drinking wine from a bag of goon pegged to a clothes line.
11. Refusing to wear shoes anywhere within a 5km radius of the beach.
12. Stealing glasses from the pub and proudly offering them to guests on their arrival to your home.
13. Having absolutely no clue how to sing past the first verse of the national anthem.
14. Esky-raiding in a crowded park or beach, when you’re too cheap to buy booze.
15. Whacking your shoes upside down to release cockroaches and spiders, before putting them back on.
16. Sending hordes of 17-18 year olds on “Schoolies” to get absolutely pissed with their mates after the year 12 exams.
17. Arguing with your friends over the correct way to eat a meat pie.
18. But bonding over the travesty of being charged an extra 50c for some tommy sauce.
19. Going for lunch at your local hardware store.
20. Smothering absolutely everything in chicken salt.
21. Not being able to split bills at restaurants, so counting out all the loose change you have to get your exact contribution right.
22. Dancing to the nutbush at kids’ birthday parties…
23. ...And formals.
24. ...And your own wedding.
25. Choosing to park your car on the street, so you have more room in the garage to pack it chock-full of utter shit.
26. Getting into a passionate debate about whether it's called a potato scallop or a potato cake.
27. Running away from staff at General Pants so that they don't ask you about your weekend plans.
28. Using outdoor barbies everywhere, with nothing but a light wipe-down from the cook-up before.
29. Travelling through Europe on a gap year after school and getting shit-faced drunk on absinthe.
30. Learning about sex ed from a giraffe in a dark caravan.
31. Eating canned spaghetti on toast for brekky.
32. Using phrases like “punching darts” and “having a durry” to describe having a smoko.
33. Chanting “Here’s to Shazza, she’s true blue, she’s a pisspot through and through,” while your mate Shazza drinks beer from her boot.
34. Celebrating Christmas by getting blind drunk at the beach and pashing a surfer dressed as Santa.
35. Hating Starbucks with your entire being.
36. And being appalled by Americans who actually consider it to be coffee.
37. Munching on Skippy by ordering a kangaroo burger.
38. Fixing things to your bike helmet to avoid getting swooped by magpies in spring.
39. Using the word "cunt" as a compliment and "mate" as an insult.
40. Planning your road trip around seeing as many “big things” as possible.
41. Calling anywhere outside of about a dozen cities, “the bush”.
42. And the vast majority of our country, simply “the outback”.
43. Somehow getting involved in Eurovision, despite being very far from Europe.
44. Being OTT obsessed with Kmart.
45. Trying to walk through Macca’s drive-thru on a night out.
46. Booing your prime minister at the cricket.
47. And shitting on politicians in general.
48. Including throwing eggs at them.
49. Fearing for your life while undertaking the beep test at school.
50. Being refused entry to the outdoor play area as a kid if you didn’t have your hat.
51. Being obsessed with KFC, or as we call it “Dirty Bird”
52. Turning off the wifi in your home to use the data.
53. Never investing in air conditioning despite reaching 40+ degrees celsius some days in summer.
54. Or having air con but taking a strange sense of pride in boasting “but we never use it”.
55. So surviving the entire season with just a $15 Kmart fan.
56. Refusing to acknowledge winter’s presence throughout the season, so freezing yourself in under-dressed outfits.
57. Refusing to use oven mitts and instead burning your hands on thin tea towels.
58. Considering Guzman Y Gomez the height of Mexican cuisine.
59. Being confronted with a foot-long lizard and going “Oh it’s just a bluey!”
60. Fighting seagulls for chips on the beach.
61. Branding yourself on the seat belt clip in summer.
62. Screaming “TAXI” when someone drops a glass.
63. Decorating a dinner plate at school as a kid, only to have it remain in your family home for years.
64. Saying “hip hip, hooray!” after you finish singing someone “happy birthday”.
65. Taking a sickie from school and learning to cook from Huey.
66. Waiting to be dismissed from school when it gets past 35 degrees celsius.
67. Hitting every country bakery for their vanilla slice and sausage roll.
68. Letting a video load in before you can stream it.
69. And finally, yelling “nice indicator, dickhead!” to cars that pull in-front without signalling.