Which Circle Of Hell Will You Go To?
You’re pretty much a good person, so you get to chill with the likes of Plato and Aristotle while looking at some sad fields and being surrounded by 7 gray gates. The worst that’ll happen is you’ll get bored from talking about rhetoric, and you’ll always be inexplicably kinda sad, but this is the jackpot of hell, so go you!
You sexy thang you. Between thinking about sex and flirting with the cutiefaces of the world, you are super into the act of lovemaking, so you’re going to be swirled back and forth by wind for an eternity. But hey! It’s more uncomfortable and annoying than painful, and you’ll get to meet Helen of Troy and Cleopatra so good job!
You have lots of good things going on and you’re not afraid to enjoy all the pleasures in life. Which is great, except your punishment in hell involves lying on the ground while essentially poop rain falls on you. But hey! It doesn’t hurt (it’s just really gross) and maybe you’ll get used to it. Good job!
You may be a little stingy but c’mon, this economy! Sounds like they just need to find somewhere to put you. Oh well. You have to push a heavy weight non-stop for eternity, but you do it in a group of buddies and you get hella jacked. It’s basically a free gym membership, so way to go you for outsmarting everyone!
You tend to get frustrated with dumb people, and who can blame you? Well, okay, someone can because you have to sit stuck in a muddy black river with similarly-impatient folk and not be able to go anywhere, thus getting more and more furious, for the rest of time. It’s like being stuck in LA traffic for eternity, except there’s no music and you can punch people, so it’s not the best, but it could be worse. Go you!
You’re a rebel at heart, you question everything you hear, and you’ll sooner believe in an alien race of lizard people than in “9 circles of hell”. Too bad it’s all real and you’re going to be trapped in a flaming tomb forever! But it’ll probably go from scorching to kind of cozy at some point and at least you get to sit in one spot and not do any work, so right on!
You probably think about punching people a lot, and depending on how often, you’re going to one of the sub-layers of the violence circle, which range from boiling in a river of blood while being shot by arrow-wielding centaurs or lying on hot sand while fiery flakes fall on you. Yeesh. But, in all honesty, these are the most badass punishments hell doles out, so...go you?
This circle has a lot going on -- some people are being split in half over and over again, some people are having their heads turned backward so they cry on their butt(?) And it’s basically all for lying to people or pretending to be something you’re not but like, don’t we all do that? Who even knows themselves, truly? As if you can, at any given moment, have one “true” and unwavering identity? And somehow this is the second worst circle, so clearly this is an HR scandal just waiting to happen. Sorry about that. Just sit tight.
Woah, you’re bad. Like real bad. This is the lowest layer of hell. Like, you’ll get to meet Satan which is kinda cool. People go here for things like being too proud or killing their siblings, but the punishment is just being frozen, which...doesn’t seem so bad? (Would’nt you be unconscious anyway?) It looks like you beat the whole system and got away with a lot of craziness with minimal backlash. Good for you!