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Can You Guess What's Wrong With These Perfect Men?

Can you detect the malodorous personality trait in these flawless beefcakes?

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  1. What's wrong with this man?

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    He routinely calls his grandmother and wishes her the worst.
    He only eats foods that are “taupe” colored.
    He has never trimmed his toenails and likes to use them as a little rake.
    He listens to Rush Limbaugh, but just for the “good bits.”
    He secretly enjoys the scent of blood (but only if it's like a day old).
    He’s emotionally unavailable.
  2. How about this one?

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    His favorite music is the sound of a nail being hammered slowly.
    He ate a cat treat once and is now addicted and consumes a pack a day.
    He proudly self-identifies as a “meninist.”
    He starts and ends every day by watching "My Dinner With Andre" in its entirety.
    He hasn’t truly read in a book in over 25 years.
    He harvests his ear wax and molds it into candles, which he then sells.
  3. What about him?

    He keeps trying to convince you to shave your eyebrows.
    He’s into light, light arson.
    He likes to sit in the dog park and write scathing reviews of the dogs on his blog.
    He wears a tiny vial of mayo around his neck and adds it to every food he consumes.
    He’ll take you out on the most magical date of your life and then never call you again.
    He wears toe shoes.
  4. And this guy?

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    He shares a bed with two garter snakes, five toads, and an iguana.
    He says “om nom nom” every time he takes a bite of food.
    He never takes off his Rollerblades.
    He inexplicably erupts into tears every time he encounters a paper clip.
    He believes feminism is thinly veiled misandry.
    He hasn't washed his sheets in four years.
  5. How about this dude?

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    He puts on a fake Irish accent to feel cooler.
    He has a tattoo of a potato on his right butt cheek.
    He regularly makes children cry by telling them how meaningless life will be for them in the future.
    He doesn’t care for female artists and isn’t ashamed to admit it.
    He’s team Ross and thinks they were really on a break.
    He consistently leaves voicemails.
  6. What's wrong with this one?

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    His diet consists solely of mustard packets.
    He addresses you as “m’lady” completely unironically.
    He ~will not~ wear a condom.
    He thinks “Two and a Half Men” is the funniest show on TV.
    He has a 20-year-old ingrown hair and insists that you pop it for him.
    He “strongly identifies” with Holden Caulfield.
  7. What about him?

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    He’s actually part centaur, which makes going out really cumbersome.
    He records your snoring and remixes it with some tight beats without your permission.
    He wants you both to rip out a tooth and swap as proof of your commitment. He won’t let this go.
    He carries around a little hourglass and times how long you talk about your day.
    He likes to play “devil’s advocate” when arguing about topics concerning women.
    He’s not Jamie Dornan.

Can You Guess What's Wrong With These Perfect Men?

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