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Is Your Boyfriend A Total Keeper?

Some Fifty Shades of Grey spoilers ahead.

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  1. How many of these things remind you of him? <3

    Universal Pictures / Via belfasttelegraph.co.uk
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    He wears fitting suits that bring out his striking eyes.
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    He has a lucrative business and is filthy rich.
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    And he started from the bottom, which makes it even sexier.
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    He takes long morning jogs and has a killer bod.
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    He's very polite and ~smooth~.
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    He's like the hottest person you've ever seen, really.
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    His office overlooks the city.
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    He has an even swankier apartment.
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    With a piano! That he knows how to play!
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    Very well, I might add.
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    He also owns a garage of cars.
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    He'll buy you antique books.
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    And take you on a helicopter ride!
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    He’ll even take care of you when you drink too much.
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    I mean, you won’t ask him to, but he'll use his GPS tracking and find you anyway.
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    He'll even knock down a guy who was flirting with you!
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    He'll also constantly ask you if every straight male who breathes next to you is your boyfriend.
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    He'll take you back to his place ;)
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    Where, on the first date, he'll show you his S&M playroom.
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    He'll freak out a little when he realizes you're a virgin.
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    But don't worry! He'll "rectify the situation" by pounding into you with literally no foreplay.
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    He'll also make a big deal of sleeping in the same bed as you because he "doesn't do romance."
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    His "tastes are very singular", in fact.
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    He'll text you a lot!
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    But only to ask if you've signed his S&M contract yet.
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    Well, did you?
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    He’ll unexpectedly show up at your apartment with a bottle of wine and intentions to tie you up to your bed when you’re not too hot on the idea.
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    He’ll also hold you up at your graduation to ask if you’ll let him do things to you that you’re not emotionally ready for.
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    But it’s OK! He'll buy you a car and sell your old one without asking you!
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    He'll also buy you a new dress!
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    But wait, did you sign the contract?
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    Come oooon. Just sign it.
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    He won’t let you touch him.
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    He’ll justify his sexual pushiness by making you feel bad about his rough childhood.
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    He’ll get livid when you say you want to visit your mother in Savannah.
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    But he’ll cool down and text you that he misses you.
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    JK, he’ll use the GPS tracking again and come find you!
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    He’ll even forgive you for drinking two whole cosmos.
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    Did you sign the contract though?
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    Seriously, what’s the hold up?
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    Why won’t you let him take you to his dungeon and whip you up a little?
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    You’ll like it once you try it.
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    He’ll storm away and play piano somberly.
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    When you ask him to open up, he’ll respond by beating you with a belt until you cry.
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    But he’s really hot and rich and emotionally tortured!
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    He self-describes as "fifty shades of fucked up."
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    So...did you sign the contract yet?
 
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