He wears fitting suits that bring out his striking eyes.He has a lucrative business and is filthy rich.And he started from the bottom, which makes it even sexier.He takes long morning jogs and has a killer bod.He's very polite and ~smooth~.He's like the hottest person you've ever seen, really.His office overlooks the city.He has an even swankier apartment.With a piano! That he knows how to play!Very well, I might add.He also owns a garage of cars.He'll buy you antique books.And take you on a helicopter ride!He’ll even take care of you when you drink too much.I mean, you won’t ask him to, but he'll use his GPS tracking and find you anyway.He'll even knock down a guy who was flirting with you!He'll also constantly ask you if every straight male who breathes next to you is your boyfriend.He'll take you back to his place ;)Where, on the first date, he'll show you his S&M playroom.He'll freak out a little when he realizes you're a virgin.But don't worry! He'll "rectify the situation" by pounding into you with literally no foreplay.He'll also make a big deal of sleeping in the same bed as you because he "doesn't do romance."His "tastes are very singular", in fact.He'll text you a lot!But only to ask if you've signed his S&M contract yet.Well, did you?He’ll unexpectedly show up at your apartment with a bottle of wine and intentions to tie you up to your bed when you’re not too hot on the idea.He’ll also hold you up at your graduation to ask if you’ll let him do things to you that you’re not emotionally ready for.But it’s OK! He'll buy you a car and sell your old one without asking you!He'll also buy you a new dress!But wait, did you sign the contract?Come oooon. Just sign it.He won’t let you touch him.He’ll justify his sexual pushiness by making you feel bad about his rough childhood.He’ll get livid when you say you want to visit your mother in Savannah.But he’ll cool down and text you that he misses you.JK, he’ll use the GPS tracking again and come find you!He’ll even forgive you for drinking two whole cosmos.Did you sign the contract though?Seriously, what’s the hold up?Why won’t you let him take you to his dungeon and whip you up a little?You’ll like it once you try it.He’ll storm away and play piano somberly.When you ask him to open up, he’ll respond by beating you with a belt until you cry.But he’s really hot and rich and emotionally tortured!He self-describes as "fifty shades of fucked up."So...did you sign the contract yet?