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    Nov 11, 2011

    What I Learned From Yoko Ono's Crazy Twitter Account

    The woman who has oft-been accused of destroying the greatest band in history, and general cuckoo bananas lady, Yoko Ono has a Twitter account. I know. It doesn't make sense. But I waded through her timeline, and here's what I've learned.

    1. Yoko Keeps Her Head Empty

    Because everyone knows that if you have stuff in your head, wind can't come through. That's how brain winds work. Everyone knows that. Pfft.

    2. Yoko Apparently Lives In An Alternate Universe Where People Are Always Making Desert Island Jokes

    Seriously, what the hell is a desert island joke? She also believes we're all sand covered land masses. And she thinks John Donne should go fuck himself.

    3. Yoko Wants You To Alienate Your Friends

    Either that or she really hates that Ryan O'Neal/Tatum O'Neal movie. But it's either one or the other.

    4. Yoko Burns Furniture To Prove Nonsensical Points

    Like say "If you burn a chair while thinking about a chair, the one in your head doesn't have to burn!" Thanks Yoko! I can see why Paul loved when John brought you around.

    5. Yoko Is Made Nervous By "Construction"

    Now I don't know if that's construction like social construction or construction like buildings being built, but the former isn't really "tangible" so I'm leaning towards Yoko not being a fan of new buildings.

    6. Yoko Is High All Of The Time

    This is the thought of a high person. I don't fault her for that. If I was Yoko I would be high all the time. But now we have confirmation.

    7. Yoko Hates Roses

    But loves their stems. This is one of one million opinions that Yoko Ono is the only person on the planet to hold.

    8. Yoko Thinks That We All Too Often Forget The Silkrain

    I have no idea what silkrain (Silk rain? Is it one word or two?) is. None. But I will never forget it again.

    9. Yoko Doesn't Believe In Wish Tree Regulations

    She is so sick of this anti-wish tree rhetoric coming out of Washington. And I have to say, I can't argue with her. I need more wish trees.

    10. Yoko Carries The Torch For Political Issues That Don't Exist

    When will people stop discriminating against these innocent towns.

    11. Yoko Thinks The World Needs More People Drawing Lines With Their Bodies

    Maybe the reason the world is so fucked up is because not enough people draw lines with their bodies.

    12. Yoko Is An Expert On World Religions

    I never understood Buddhism until now. Thanks Yoko.

    13. Yoko Is Fucking With Us

    Nobody is this crazy. I can't take it. She's fucking with us. This is a joke. It has to be.

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