1. Have a kick-ass haircut.
2. For instance a mullet.
3. Or a jheri curl.
Ken Griffey Jr.
4. Or a flat-top.
5. Or a buzz cut.
6. Or an afro.
7. Just not whatever Larry Bird has going on here.
8. Awesome facial hair is a plus.
9. Can’t grow facial hair? Just smirk.
10. Nope. Too angry, Patrick.
11. Mickey, didn’t you hear what I said to Patrick? Chill out.
12. Yeah, just like that.
13. Having a cool-guy collar helps too.
14. Or fancy glasses.
15. Rock a skinny tie.
16. Or a hoodie.
17. Or a great tux.
18. Or a frilly shirt.
19. But never wear a shirt that looks like Bill Cosby designed it.
20. If you can somehow combine a jheri curl, a mustache, a frilly shirt, and a great tux, you’re doing something right.
21. Pose with a bitchin’ computer.
22. Don’t look too high.
23. Maybe don’t look high at all.
24. Try not to look like a dork.
25. Eat some McDonald’s cookies in your photo.
26. Have a twin brother, so you can mess with people.
27. Look badass playing a sport you’ll be famous for.
28. Look goofy playing a sport you’re not famous for.
29. Have a great yearbook quote.
Quote: “Life is like a rollercoaster with it’s ups and downs, just sit back and enjoy the ride.”
30. For that matter have a really dumb yearbook quote. Either extreme is fine.
31. Walk around your high school gym like its a club.
32. Have a cute date.
33. Hold public office.
34. Make sure to button your shirt correctly.
35. And that your necklace doesn’t look stupid.
36. Graduating always makes for a good picture.
37. Be the most adorable American athlete in the history of the Olympics.
Mary Lou Retton
38. Or be the greatest athlete of all time.
39. Or just be Jeremy Lin.
Isn’t he adorable?
- Bomb threats were called into Jewish centers in at least 13 states today, making it the fifth wave of threats since January.
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- The House Intelligence chairman denied that his call to a reporter at the behest of the White House would influence the probe of Trump and Russia.
- Philip Bilden, the businessman nominated by President Trump to be secretary of the Navy, has withdrawn himself from consideration.