1. sarah miller @sarahlovescali So much television is about the fantasy that men listen when women talk to them 05:43 AM - 24 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Deirdre @figgled 2001 Cosmo magazine: stuff a CHILLI in his DICKHOLE for a BANGIN blowjob!!!! Do a handstand and let him SPANK your PUSSY with a LAMP 12 year old me: yeah of course 06:09 PM - 26 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Dana Donnelly @danadonly i’m just a hot girl, standing in front of a poorly dressed, objectively unattractive guy, telling him it’s fine if he doesn’t want a relationship, but could he maybe text me more consistently? he says no. 11:49 PM - 28 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Molly Mulshine @mollymulshine Whenever someone’s like “I saw someone who looks like you!” and the picture they show you is like 08:09 PM - 29 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. sloane (sipihkopiyesis) @cottoncandaddy being into straight men is surreal. one time a few years ago I had a guy over for dinner and he asked to help cook so I told him to halve the cauliflower and when I looked over he was literally trying to rip it apart. with his bare hands. most insane thing I've ever witnessed 08:30 PM - 14 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. court @courtneyputtock be honest lads why r u all actually like this 12:21 AM - 23 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Emma Berquist @eeberquist my sister in law got a package of 96 diapers at her baby shower and my brother said “oh awesome that’s 96 days worth of diapers” 01:56 AM - 18 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. 1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS Mom can you come pick me up I’m catching feelings for a boy and he left me on read since midnight so I’m laying in bed imagining him with another girl until it ruins my day 05:04 PM - 19 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Pete Otway @PeteOtway I just innocently told my wife that for the past 8 years I’ve thought it was okay to put bobbles and hair pins in the bin if they’re just left lying around. Holy shit. What a moment. 03:08 PM - 10 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Sophia Benoit @1followernodad guys: women are a mystery. women: Here is what we- guys: LITERALLY WHAT DO THEY WANT? women: well for start- guys: Guess we'll never know! 10:45 PM - 04 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Mollie Goodfellow @hansmollman *squints at Polaroid to see what the shirt looks like* 07:13 PM - 23 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Olivia Foster @Livsdarling On Friday, at ten to midnight, I received these messages from a man who ghosted me SEVEN months ago. “It was great to meet,” what, in JUNE 2019? 10:41 AM - 27 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Bella Mackie @bellamackie Imagine falling in love with someone and finding out on day one of your first holiday that they pay to have their bag wrapped in plastic 09:07 PM - 26 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. m @okaishawty i’m a big proponent of comprehensive sex ed because a guy told me he didn’t understand why girls complain about periods because they get to wear tampons so it’s like they’re having sex all the time 10:02 AM - 06 Dec 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. cam spence @CamGurrrl my boyfriend is ABSOLUTELY REFUSING to do this sex position where he sits at the piano and plays a song about me and i lie on the bed and shed a single perfect tear 02:47 PM - 26 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite Additional imagery from Getty Images / iStock.