1.
So much television is about the fantasy that men listen when women talk to them
2.
2001 Cosmo magazine: stuff a CHILLI in his DICKHOLE for a BANGIN blowjob!!!! Do a handstand and let him SPANK your PUSSY with a LAMP 12 year old me: yeah of course
3.
i’m just a hot girl, standing in front of a poorly dressed, objectively unattractive guy, telling him it’s fine if he doesn’t want a relationship, but could he maybe text me more consistently? he says no.
4.
Whenever someone’s like “I saw someone who looks like you!” and the picture they show you is like
5.
being into straight men is surreal. one time a few years ago I had a guy over for dinner and he asked to help cook so I told him to halve the cauliflower and when I looked over he was literally trying to rip it apart. with his bare hands. most insane thing I've ever witnessed
6.
be honest lads why r u all actually like this
7.
my sister in law got a package of 96 diapers at her baby shower and my brother said “oh awesome that’s 96 days worth of diapers”
8.
Mom can you come pick me up I’m catching feelings for a boy and he left me on read since midnight so I’m laying in bed imagining him with another girl until it ruins my day
9.
I just innocently told my wife that for the past 8 years I’ve thought it was okay to put bobbles and hair pins in the bin if they’re just left lying around. Holy shit. What a moment.
10.
guys: women are a mystery. women: Here is what we- guys: LITERALLY WHAT DO THEY WANT? women: well for start- guys: Guess we'll never know!
11.
*squints at Polaroid to see what the shirt looks like*
12.
On Friday, at ten to midnight, I received these messages from a man who ghosted me SEVEN months ago. “It was great to meet,” what, in JUNE 2019?
13.
Imagine falling in love with someone and finding out on day one of your first holiday that they pay to have their bag wrapped in plastic
14.
i’m a big proponent of comprehensive sex ed because a guy told me he didn’t understand why girls complain about periods because they get to wear tampons so it’s like they’re having sex all the time
15.
my boyfriend is ABSOLUTELY REFUSING to do this sex position where he sits at the piano and plays a song about me and i lie on the bed and shed a single perfect tear
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