1.
friends: are you drunk already me: i’m just a lil buzz https://t.co/xv4A6BRlwR
2.
Me: who’s a good boy? My dog:
3.
houseplants b like due to personal reasons i will be passing away...
4.
me: i just really want to meet a NICE, SINGLE guy, really feels like all the good ones are already taken :( the universe:
5.
oh my god, i need this to be me in 20 years
6.
“your tattoos will look ugly when you’re old” bold of you to assume the planet will last that long karen
7.
I woke up in a cold sweat last night to create this content. I present: the Email Sign-off Alignment
8.
Looking at myself naked in the mirror
9.
Lady Gaga as a salmon going through the fish tube
10.
11.
a guy just said I act like a slut and I’m like how dare you call it an act
12.
Hot Girl Summer is coming to an end, get ready for Christian Girl Autumn 🍂😍
13.
“Not followed by anyone you’re following”
14.
My books I still haven’t read yet looking at my newest book
15.
Uber driver: .......... Me: ........... Uber driver: ............ Me: ............. Uber driver: ............. Me: ................ Uber driver: ................ Me: .................. Uber driver: you have arrived Me: 5 Stars
16.
Me cooking pasta for one
17.
Drunk me telling drunk me not to throw up https://t.co/FuVLMMWAlZ
18.
no one: absolutely not a soul: vsco girls:
19.
she walked so the girls in euphoria could run
20.
Did a spider write this
21.
you’ll ask someone in LA to get dinner tonight and they’re like “yeah I have a meeting at HBO in 2 weeks but that should work”
22.
When you’re walking past the aisles at Walmart and finally see your mom
23.
my mom dropping me off on my first day of kindergarten
24.
hate how the compose tweet button looks like a quill pen. i am not worldly. i am not an intellectual. i am a blithering idiot. give me a crayon