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    Sep 12, 2019

    31 Of The Funniest Tweets From This Summer

    "Girls be crying over a dude who reads at a third-grade level. He's not ignoring your text; he's sounding it out. Give him a second."

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    Uber driver: .......... Me: ........... Uber driver: ............ Me: ............. Uber driver: ............. Me: ................ Uber driver: ................ Me: .................. Uber driver: you have arrived Me: 5 Stars

    2.

    $35 plus $5 for $40 with free shipping Shipping

    3.

    Carrie Underwood: “he's probably buying her some fruity little drink 'cause she can't shoot whiskey” 8 yr old me: wow how embarrassing

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    idk what the cat is going through but same

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    During my interview today i poured some water into a cup and it overflowed a little bit “Nervous?” asked the interviewer I simply replied, “No I just always give 110%”

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    David: plays a secret chord The lord:

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    every day men leave their homes with no bag, no water bottle, no lip balm, no hand sanitizer, no extra layer in case they get cold, just keys and a wallet shoved into their pocket. chaotic and reckless

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    why do essay conclusions exist, i said what i said scroll up !!!!

    11.

    Benadryl smart as hell. U cant have allergies when u asleep for 7 hours

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    “could a depressed person do THIS?” she says at 12:15am as she folds her laundry that came out of the dryer six days ago

    14.

    Me explaining to ⠀ ⠀ ⠀My cat my cat that I ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀pretending won’t tell anyone ⠀⠀ ⠀he cant speak if he can speak

    15.

    [during sex] Me: hurt me Him: your metabolism isn’t what it was in high school and it shows Me: wait Him: you never lived up to your potential because you rely on talent instead of work ethic & immediately abandon everything you’re bad at because you’re afraid of failure

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    Therapist: And what do we say when we feel like this? Me: It be like that sometimes Therapist: No

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    Boomers: I heard she went to *looks around nervously* *whispers* ᵀʰᵉʳᵃᵖʸ Millennials/Gen Z: LMAOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT MY THERAPIST TOLD ME TODAY

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    When you’re walking past the aisles at Walmart and finally see your mom

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    Not really a humane solution in my opinion

    22.

    yesterday at target the cashier said “your receipt is in the bag” and I responded with “you too” so I’ve been dealing with that for the past 18 hours but I’m slowly coming to terms with it which is cool

    23.

    someone: *slightly raises their voice at me* my feelings:

    24.

    girls be crying over a dude who reads at a 3rd grade level. he's not ignoring your text, he's sounding it out. give him a second.

    25.

    houseplants b like due to personal reasons i will be passing away...

    26.

    Looking at myself naked in the mirror

    27.

    Hot Girl Summer is coming to an end, get ready for Christian Girl Autumn 🍂😍

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    I woke up in a cold sweat last night to create this content. I present: the Email Sign-off Alignment

    30.

    no one: absolutely not a soul: vsco girls:

    31.

    wow man last year i was sleeping on my sisters floor, had no money, struggling to get plays on my music, suffering from daily headaches, now i’m gay.

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