1.
Uber driver: .......... Me: ........... Uber driver: ............ Me: ............. Uber driver: ............. Me: ................ Uber driver: ................ Me: .................. Uber driver: you have arrived Me: 5 Stars
2.
$35 plus $5 for $40 with free shipping Shipping
3.
Carrie Underwood: βhe's probably buying her some fruity little drink 'cause she can't shoot whiskeyβ 8 yr old me: wow how embarrassing
4.
idk what the cat is going through but same
5.
During my interview today i poured some water into a cup and it overflowed a little bit βNervous?β asked the interviewer I simply replied, βNo I just always give 110%β
6.
David: plays a secret chord The lord:
7.
Me after one blunt
8.
every day men leave their homes with no bag, no water bottle, no lip balm, no hand sanitizer, no extra layer in case they get cold, just keys and a wallet shoved into their pocket. chaotic and reckless
9.
Blonde woman, top left. She is all of us π
10.
why do essay conclusions exist, i said what i said scroll up !!!!
11.
Benadryl smart as hell. U cant have allergies when u asleep for 7 hours
12.
oh my god, i need this to be me in 20 years
13.
βcould a depressed person do THIS?β she says at 12:15am as she folds her laundry that came out of the dryer six days ago
14.
Me explaining to β β β My cat my cat that I β β β β pretending wonβt tell anyone β β β he cant speak if he can speak
15.
[during sex] Me: hurt me Him: your metabolism isnβt what it was in high school and it shows Me: wait Him: you never lived up to your potential because you rely on talent instead of work ethic & immediately abandon everything youβre bad at because youβre afraid of failure
16.
tired of these mfs
17.
Therapist: And what do we say when we feel like this? Me: It be like that sometimes Therapist: No
18.
Boomers: I heard she went to *looks around nervously* *whispers* α΅Κ°α΅Κ³α΅α΅ΚΈ Millennials/Gen Z: LMAOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT MY THERAPIST TOLD ME TODAY
19.
okay...hear me out
20.
When youβre walking past the aisles at Walmart and finally see your mom
21.
Not really a humane solution in my opinion
22.
yesterday at target the cashier said βyour receipt is in the bagβ and I responded with βyou tooβ so Iβve been dealing with that for the past 18 hours but Iβm slowly coming to terms with it which is cool
23.
someone: *slightly raises their voice at me* my feelings:
24.
girls be crying over a dude who reads at a 3rd grade level. he's not ignoring your text, he's sounding it out. give him a second.
25.
houseplants b like due to personal reasons i will be passing away...
26.
Looking at myself naked in the mirror
27.
Hot Girl Summer is coming to an end, get ready for Christian Girl Autumn ππ
28.
Lady Gaga as a salmon going through the fish tube
29.
I woke up in a cold sweat last night to create this content. I present: the Email Sign-off Alignment
30.
no one: absolutely not a soul: vsco girls:
31.
wow man last year i was sleeping on my sisters floor, had no money, struggling to get plays on my music, suffering from daily headaches, now iβm gay.