I feel like I could fall asleep right now.I wish I were sleeping right now.I'm sad that I'm not currently in a bed.I don't feel like a functional human being.I don't know where I am right now.I don't know if I'm alive.Sleep is the only thing I care about.I want to make sweet love to sleep.I want to sleep for the rest of my life.Sleep is my life partner.Coffee is not doing anything.Coffee is a joke.Coffee is a lie.Words don't make sense right now.My brain doesn't work.Who am I?I feel like I am actually dying.I have died.RIP me.I would pay $5 to take a nap right now.I would pay $20 to take a nap right now.I would pay $50 to take a nap right now.I would pay $100 to take a nap right now.The thought of cats getting to sleep all day makes me black out from jealousy.Sloths and their lifestyle make me black out from jealousy.Anyone who got to sleep in today can go jump off a bridge.Sorry, that's just sleep deprivation talking.I'm not actually sorry.I could fall asleep at my desk.I could fall asleep under my desk.I could fall asleep outside, on the sidewalk.I could fall asleep on top of a moving train.I could fall asleep at a monster truck rally.I could fall asleep at an air horn convention.I could fall asleep at a Skrillex concert.I could fall asleep while 50 children scream and poke me with sticks.I want to float away on a dream cloud to Sleep Land.Give me my damn dream cloud.I DEMAND AN EFFING DREAM CLOUD.If someone dug a hole, I would not mind crawling into it and sleeping there.If someone offered me a free bowl of macaroni and cheese right now or sleep, I would take the sleep.If someone offered me $20 for no reason or sleep, I would take the sleep.If someone offered me sexual intercourse with the most attractive person I can think of or sleep, I would take the sleep.I have accidentally fallen asleep already today.My No. 1 life goal is to sleep for a really long time.I qualify as a legal zombie.I would eat a person — I don't even care at this point.I don't care about anything.Sleep is my everything.SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP
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