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What The Hell Is Inside That Assorted Box Of Chocolates?

What is this filling? Nightmares?

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Joanna Borns / BuzzFeed

This particular box of chocolates (Russell Stover) doesn't come with any kind of chart or guidance as to what possible pleasures or horrors lay within each chocolate encasing. You have to go in BLIND. With your MOUTH. And the stakes are high when one of them contains some sort of pink nougat.

Worst-case scenario

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Let's get the worst one out of the way first. This is your nightmare scenario. This is your chocolate land mine. This is the one chocolate in the box that makes you question everything you've ever done. Is this cherry or raspberry? No one knows. Are those nuts? God, let's hope so, but we can't be sure. The pink terror is to be avoided at all costs. If that means throwing the entire box of chocolates out the window, do it. And don't look back.

The really hard one

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This one is a challenge, tooth-wise. Definitely for people who are into really biting down hard on things. Butterfinger-esque, possibly designed by a candy witch.

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Beige fantasy

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This filling captures every bad dream you've ever had and compresses them down into one beige candy goo. Either that or it's some kind of maple-flavored mush.

Polarizing white goop

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All the round candies were filled with various white goops. To the trained eye, this is obviously coconut. To the untrained eye, this is translucent gloopy gloop and/or the doorway to a world of suffering.

Almost chocolate...

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This looks like chocolate and you REALLY want it to be chocolate. So badly. And maybe it is, but maybe isn't. And that's the problem. Even after you've eaten, you're not sure what it was.

Creamy nut confusion

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This filling was created when a princess was locked in a dungeon and was supposed to be rescued by her true love. But true love never came and she cried and cried and cried and those tears were turned into a candy.

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Pretty sure it's caramel this time

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This caramel is a good palate cleanser for if you've accidentally bitten into one of the many nightmares hiding in this box. Go for the square.

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