30 Things That Start To Happen When You're Almost 30
Please card me. Please card me. Please card me.
You know that if it's past 8 p.m. and you're not already out, you're NOT going out.
These signs make you officially feel like a fossil.
You shudder when you realize college was 10 YEARS AGO.
Hangovers not only last longer, but INTENSIFY AS THE DAY GOES ON.
Celebrity kids are now SO grown up.
You realize it's always worth it to pay more for the direct flight.
Comfortable shoes seem more and more attractive.
You dread New Year's Eve more than death itself.
You lose the ability to digest the dollar menu.
Every party you go to now includes at least one baby.
Your childhood is now for sale at vintage stores.
You stop being romantic about having your own business cards.
You voluntarily buy kale.
Hello, pimples and wrinkles at the same time!
You and your friends talk openly about pooping.
You don't know who any YouTube stars are.
Crafting starts to sound a lot more appealing.
"Being cozy" starts to supplant all other interests.
Your back hurts when you do strenuous tasks, like getting out of bed in the morning.
You witness your First Facebook Divorce.
You stop freaking out when you don't have plans on a Saturday night.
Pants without actual waistbands become your top sartorial priority.
Everything is now being marketed to people way younger than you.
You realize you've started ordering what your mom orders at the bar.
You're truly horrified by the length of time you've been paying your student loans vs. how much of a dent you've made in your principal.
Happy hour becomes "would rather be at home" hour.
Teen slang enrages you.
College kids start to look like small children to you.
Your life has generally calmed down a little, and you're totally OK with that.
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