Can You Make It Through This Post Without Giggling?

PUT YOURSELF TO THE TEST. (NSFW-ish.)

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THE RULES:

1. You have to read the whole post.

2. You must not giggle, not even once, because you are an adult.

3. You cannot smirk at all, because you are a grown human person with a not-at-all sophomoric sense of humor.

4. No laughing! You are not 12!

5. Ready? Let's go!