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How Grown-Up Are You?

Or are you just a child in a grown-up skin suit?

Posted on
FOX
  1. Check all of the below that you have, that are definitely yours, in your permanent possession, and definitely not borrowed or stolen from an actual grown-up.

    Check
    A crock pot
    Check
    A vacuum
    Check
    A household pet that is a mammal
    Check
    A decorative area rug that is not being used to cover a stain
    Check
    A matching duvet set
    Check
    An Egyptian cotton duvet set
    Check
    A pantsuit
    Check
    A living will
    Check
    Bath salts that are not drugs
    Check
    A bathtub that is clean enough to take a bath in
    Check
    A Costco membership
    Check
    Scented candles that smell like pumpkin or "sea breeze"
    Check
    Reading glasses
    Check
    A nightstand that isn't from Ikea
    Check
    A desk that is made of actual wood from an actual tree
    Check
    A bookshelf that is not secretly a stack of crates
    Check
    A shoe horn
    Check
    A child
    Check
    Oven mitts
    Check
    Your own cell phone plan
    Check
    A debit card
    Check
    A dishwasher
    Check
    A bagel guillotine
    Check
    Walls that are painted colors other than white
    Check
    Consistent birth control that is not the pull-out method
    Check
    A 401K
    Check
    A will
    Check
    A plant that is in your care that is alive and definitely not half-dead
    Check
    A pair of jeans with no holes
    Check
    Lysol spray
    Check
    Life insurance
    Check
    More than one set of bedlinens
    Check
    A guest room
    Check
    Back problems
    Check
    A couch that is not secretly a futon
    Check
    An espresso maker
    Check
    Scotch
    Check
    Scotch glasses
    Check
    A headboard
    Check
    A wine decanter
    Check
    More than ten hardcover books, none of which are The Secret
    Check
    Hand sanitizer in your purse, alongside emergency snacks, a nail file, and a mini-mirror
    Check
    Curtains that hang from a metal rod
    Check
    A Brita filter
    Check
    A refrigerator that makes ice cubes
    Check
    Sunscreen with SPF 50+
    Check
    Jumper cables
    Check
    Self-respect. Haha.
    Check
    A job title that doesn't involve the world "intern"
    Check
    Dental insurance
    Check
    A voter registration
    Check
    A vitamin caddy
    Check
    A laundry basket that is not a Trader Joes bag
    Check
    A trash can that is not a Trader Joes bag
    Check
    An understanding of the democratic process
    Check
    An exercise routine that isn't sex
    Check
    A go-to news source that isn't your Newsfeed
    Check
    Ability to cook a chicken without giving your dinner party guests salmonella
    Check
    Ability to cook five dishes that do not include pasta or bread
    Check
    Personalized stationary (that you use to write thank you notes on time)
    Check
    A savings account with more than $1200 in it
    Check
    Clothes that need to be dry cleaned
    Check
    Pajamas that are not large t-shirts
    Check
    Underwear that is not sold in plastic bags
    Check
    A mortgage
    Check
    A charity you donate to every month that you chose intentionally and not because you were harassed by someone with a clipboard outside of Whole Foods
    Check
    A cell phone without a cracked screen
    Check
    A complete understanding of what you are allergic to
    Check
    An HBO GO account in your name
    Check
    That blue stuff you put in your toilet to clean it
    Check
    A doormat
    Check
    An accountant
    Check
    A fresh pepper grinder
    Check
    An organization system for the apps on your iPhone
    Check
    Clean fingernails
    Check
    A therapist
    Check
    A piece of furniture that is made from the skin of an animal
    Check
    OR: a consistent ethical commitment to not using animals for furniture
    Check
    "Slacks"
    Check
    Ability to get from one end of your city to the other without using your GPS navigator
    Check
    A rule about whether or not people are allowed to wear shoes in your house
    Check
    A "modest bathing suit"
    Check
    A bedskirt
    Check
    A spice cabinet
    Check
    A purse or briefcase that you see as an "investment"
    Check
    Actual investments
    Check
    Place mats that you use when guests are over
    Check
    Place mats you use when you're alone
    Check
    A "hiking buddy"
    Check
    A whisk
    Check
    A handmixer
    Check
    A watch
    Check
    A primary care physician
    Check
    A budget
    Check
    Sunglasses that you did not get for free at a football game
    Check
    A copy of your birth certificate kept in a manila folder that isn't in your mom's kitchen cabinet
    Check
    A "life partner"
    Check
    Pubic hair
    Check
    Arthritis
    Check
    A Vitamix
    Check
    Coasters!

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