As a nosy person, I loooooove reading the Am I The Asshole? subreddit.
Recently, a husband wondered if he's in the wrong for ditching his "chronically late" wife at the mall, and I MUST know what your thoughts are.
Here's the situation as told by the husband, u/Striking_Still_3721:
"I'm a 34-year-old man, and my wife is 29. We have been married for five years. Since we started dating, she has always taken her sweet time doing everything."
"Getting dressed, doing her makeup, eating, whatever it is, she takes forever. I'm generally a patient person, but I get extremely anxious when I'm late for something with a scheduled starting time. Alone, I have never been late for anything. With her in tow, I'm late for everything."
"Last night, we went out to see a movie. Getting to the mall before the movie started was a battle itself, but miraculously — with the prospect of doing some shopping before it — she was able to gather her necessary belongings and get there with time to spare. She started shopping while I more or less followed her, until it was about time to get to the theater. When I told her this, she was talking to a sales clerk about the clothes that she wanted to buy, and she told me to 'hang on' for a second."
"As usual, 'hang on' meant 'I have absolutely no concern about your needs because I'm doing my own thing right now, and anything other than what I want to do is out of the question.' I waited around for a couple more minutes until she started taking jeans off the shelves to try on new combinations. The previews had already started. I told her again, and she said we can just skip the previews."
"At this point, I just walked away, which she naturally didn't notice, turned off my phone, and enjoyed the movie myself. As a side note, I missed the first few minutes of it waiting for her, standing in line, and making my way to the theater. On my way out of the theater, I saw her on a bench in the lobby beside herself because I ditched her."
"I honestly didn't feel bad at all and told her that I'd do it again. This made her more upset, and finally, we had an awkward, quiet drive home. Apparently, she was actually looking forward to the movie, too," he explained.
"Was I the asshole in this situation? I felt it was supposed to be tough love, but she seems really hurt."
Most people in the thread agreed that since the wife has a history of being late, the husband was not the asshole in this situation. One person reasoned:
"You told her at least twice it was time to leave and go to the movie. Her response was you can miss some of the movie because she's busy. She easily could have bought a ticket when she was done and found you in the theater. She didn't. She 100% knows this is an issue if you constantly bring it up and she's lost friends over it. She just doesn't care," u/Murderbunny13 said.
Another user, who goes by u/overseas-mango, agreed that the husband was not in the wrong, and offered some advice on what to do next time:
"This is what you have to do moving forward. Tell her that you’re leaving in 15 minutes and follow through. One warning, then go. Stop discussing and explaining. Start showing. Though, in the future, send a text: 'I’m at the movie and I’m sitting center right. Turning phone off now.'"
Some users pointed out that chronic lateness was a possible symptom of ADHD, and that theoretically, if the wife did have the condition, the husband could have been more empathetic. However, most users still sided with the husband, agreeing that even in this situation, he still wouldn't be the asshole.
"She was being told, 'Previews are starting right now,' and she proceeded to try on more jeans. How is that not being an asshole? I'd be more empathetic if she just truly lost track of time due to ADHD. But the original poster was right there explicitly letting her know, and she still didn't care and proceeded to try on more jeans (which she knew would make them even more late)." u/CurtainsforSMoochy said.
Now, it's your turn to weigh in:
What do you think? Let me know in the comments!
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