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Danny Zuko From "Grease" Is Actually The Worst And I'm Not Afraid To Say It

"You know how it is, rockin' and rollin' and what not..."

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Before I get started, let the record show that I'm a lifelong Grease stan. I watched it every night before bed from the years 1997-2000. So, what I'm saying is, this is coming from a place of love.

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Anyway, as a Grease enthusiast, I've always kind of thought Danny treated Sandy horribly. And in my most recent revisit, I've officially decided he's 100% trash — and I'm bringing you along for the ride.

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1. Let's start with a hot take: I'm pretty sure Danny Zuko literally never intended to see Sandy again after the beach. Sandy asked if it was the end, and he said "It's only the beginning" like the lying fuckboy he is.

He was truly full of shit! The truth was, he thought he'd found the perfect arrangement: summer fun with this cute Australian blonde. No commitment.
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He was truly full of shit! The truth was, he thought he'd found the perfect arrangement: summer fun with this cute Australian blonde. No commitment.

2. When Danny's horny, stupid "Thunderbird" friends with stupid names (I said it!) ask him about his summer fling and whether or not he got into her pants, Danny was happy to oblige with the "horny details"...

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3. ...and since there weren't actually "horny details" he made them up and told a completely ridiculous, innuendo-filled version of their summer when, like, they literally barely kissed.

I'm not even going to get into that "did she put up a fight?" lyric, because it makes me angry.
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I'm not even going to get into that "did she put up a fight?" lyric, because it makes me angry.

4. When the Pink Ladies find out Sandy was talking about Danny, Frenchy is distraught because she doesn't know how to tell Sandy she actually hung out with Rydell's #1 fuckboy.

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5. Now, it goes without saying that Danny was a total dickhead when he first ran into Sandy at the pep rally. That's just part of the plot.

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6. He says the following most ridiculous dialogue in the history of dialogue...

7. ...and Sandy runs away crying for the first of SEVERAL times.

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For some completely upsetting reason, Sandy remains HOPELESSLY DEVOTED to Danny despite learning that he is truly a dick.

8. After all this goes down, we get a full song about how Danny Zuko's "pussy wagon" will make the "chicks cream." Cool, cool, cool.

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9. But back to Sandy! She finally meets the first person at the school (other than Frenchy) who seems to give a flying fuck about being nice to her — this athlete guy whose name I never bothered learning...

I think it might be Brad? Or Tom?
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I think it might be Brad? Or Tom?

10. ...and it becomes completely apparent that Danny only wants Sandy when he can't have her. That's when he does a half-assed attempt at playing sports, but mostly just acts like an ass.

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11. Lucky for him, it somehow works! Sandy immediately takes him back, and the first thing he does is try and hide her from his friends at the diner. Classy!

It's like, dude. You're the fucking head of the Thunderbirds. If you just told your friends Sandy was cool, they'd start being nice to her.
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It's like, dude. You're the fucking head of the Thunderbirds. If you just told your friends Sandy was cool, they'd start being nice to her.

12. Danny goes to the dance with Sandy, and it almost seems like he's going to start acting like a normal person — they do these really cute dance moves:

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13. Except, once a fuckboy, always a fuckboy — Danny ruins a perfectly nice dance because he is physically incapable of resisting Cha Cha...

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14. ...so, he publicly humiliates Sandy YET AGAIN. We are on public humiliation #2 in case you lost track:

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15. At some point OFF SCREEN, Danny and Sandy talk on the phone and he gives her a half-assed apology and lures her to a drive-in movie...

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16. ...he gives her his ring, and Sandy is ELATED! "Now I know you respect me!!!"

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17. So, he apparently decides to prove to her that he doesn't, in fact, respect her and goes full-on problematic asshole and forces himself on her...

Keep it in your pants, Danny Zuko.
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Keep it in your pants, Danny Zuko.

18. ...and it's so uncomfortable for her that she physically removes herself from the situation and throws his garbage ring back at him.

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19. Then, Danny sings a whole song about it in front of dancing hot dogs and stuff! As though he's just a scorned lover and not a creepy piece of shit!

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20. Sandy watches Danny from afar during the car race, and decides she's still in love with him — for reasons that are COMPLETELY UNFATHOMABLE TO ME! And she comes to the conclusion that the only way Danny will accept her is if she completely changes herself.

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21. Meanwhile, Danny decides to undergo the MASSIVE change of — um, putting on a letterman sweater, I guess? Because his clothes will apparently help his shit personality.

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22. But, once New Sandy shows up, he's like, "Well, fuck that! I guess I don't have to change at all!"

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23. And, uhh, then they fly off into the sunset together as one does and Danny ends up with Sandy even though he did the bare minimum. Sigh.

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