1. The Diarrhea Emergency — submitted by elsceneinc
I was on a date from hell. My date was sloshed and asking in public to see more skin. I texted my mom our "emergency bad date code" and she called right after claiming my brother was in the emergency room with severe diarrhea. Since he was drunk I had to drive the 40-minute drive to drop him back off while he insisted on coming home with me and persistently asking if I would be his girlfriend. I will never forget that day.
2. The Sick Selfie — submitted by Emma Calvert (Facebook)
Told him I was in the hospital with appendicitis. I went so far as to even go to the local hospital down the way and send him a "sad" selfie because he was prying.
3. The Bike Escape — submitted by Irene Párk (Facebook)
Years ago when I was in college, I went on a date with this awful, self-absorbed, misogynistic douche. We saw a movie, went to dinner, and halfway through I was like, yeah, this guy needs to go — but he was too busy talking himself up to notice I was over it. After dinner he offered to walk me back to my dorm. I lived on 12th Street and we were four to five blocks away. We started walking, and on the way there was this antique store that had this bike outside for sale for $100. I'd walked by it a million times on my way to school thinking it was cute, and I did need a bike. At that point I just wanted to get the hell away from this dude as quick as I could. We walked into the shop, I told the owner I wanted to buy the bike, haggled it down to $80 (all the cash I had on me), hopped on the bike and was like, SEE YA!
4. The Dead Baby Jokes — submitted by katih4159ebe12
While on a horrible date I decided I needed the guy as far away from me as possible. So I started telling these really disturbing "dead baby jokes" until he ended up leaving me at the bar.
5. The Aretha Franklin — submitted by Avery Epstein (Facebook)
This isn't really crazy, but when I was 17 I went out on a date with a guy I met at a gas station (I know, red flag right there). We were walking around this cute little pond next to a small strip mall and decided to sit down by the water and talk. About 15 minutes in, he started groping my ass and my boobs, and tried to make out with me in the most unpleasant way, so I decided that it was time to go. As I told him I was leaving, he promised that he would be more respectful and told me not to call my friend to pick me up (I didn't have a car at the time). I decided to stay, but he continued to violate me so I pushed him back and sang Aretha Franklin's "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" song to him, telling him to never treat a girl like that ever again, and to play that song on repeat. After that I jumped into my friend's car and never talked to him again.
6. The Roommate Incident — submitted by tamd405475038
This guy that I was talking to for a while finally asked me out and said that he was gonna cook me supper. Since we 'd been talking now for a few months, I was excited. I went to his house. I knew he had a kid. Whatever, not a biggie. The house was a total mess. Trash everywhere and the house smelt like cat piss! So before things got too deep into the date, I texted my roommate to call me in 10 minutes to say that our other roommate fell out of the bathtub. So 10 minutes later he called me and I pretended to sound worried and I told the guy I had to leave since I had to take him to the hospital. Haven't spoken to him since.
7. The McDonald's Bathroom — submitted by Katherine Tyson (Facebook)
This dude picks me up for our first date, right? One of those lovely internet guys. Thanks, OkCupid. So anyways, we start driving into town and he begins telling me all about how much of a crazy bitch his ex-girlfriend/baby mama is. Not exactly ideal first-date conversation material. Then he proceeds to load his lip with a wad of dip and spit it into a Coca-Cola bottle. Last straw for me, honestly. But then he did one better. He took me to THE MCDONALD'S DRIVE-THRU for dinner. We didn't even park and fucking go inside. The DRIVE-THRU! And he was still jabbering away about his ex. So I politely interrupted and let him know I had to use the restroom... As soon as I made it into the restroom, I was trying to decide what to do. I hadn't been in there longer than a minute when he called me on my phone. While I'm in the restroom. On our first date. And when I didn't answer, he called again. I got, like, four calls from this guy in the span of about five minutes...and then he finally texted me...to let me know that he was leaving. He left me, on my own, in the McDonald's bathroom, 10 miles from my home. I could have been pooping. But he didn't bother to wait and find out. Worst. Date. Of. My. Life.
8. The Heart Condition — submitted by lizw45b3e4d04
I actually do have a heart condition, called pulmonary stenosis, although it hardly affects my day-to-day life. I had just found out my date was a lot older than he looked, and I told him I could feel my heart going into an abnormal rhythm and I had to go. To be fair, I was 19 and he had just told me he was 28, even though he told me he was 22 when he asked me out. No regrets.
9. The Remote Date — Micaela Gardner (Facebook)
I told him that I was too tired, but he should go on [the date] anyway and tell me about it. He texted me remotely about the food and movie he saw while I laid in bed and watched Netflix at home. Remote dating. It's the future, people.
10. The Fake Cousin — submitted by stephanier43
Technically I didn't get out of the date, but I was invited to get pho with this guy I met through a mutual friend. I wasn't interested in him, but he said he wouldn't leave me alone until I gave him one chance. So I brought along my best friend — who he had never met — and told him she was my cousin who just came into town to surprise me. We look nothing alike, and the whole time we pretty much ignored him, but we both got free pho, and I never heard from him again. I'd say it was pretty successful.
11. The Dad Joke — submitted by Victoria LeBlanc (Facebook)
I got my father to call me if I sent him a keyword via text. The coffee was the only good thing about the date, so I slyly sent [dad] the text. He called and I was like, "Oh, it's my father, I have to take this." But instead of just saying nothing, he started telling stupid jokes and saying ridiculous things such as, "I need you to come home, your mother cut my arm off and there's blood everywhere!" So I couldn't even fake an emergency because I was laughing like an idiot while pretending something important happened. I just left anyway.
12. The Other Woman — submitted by Mariana Borati (Facebook)
Told the bloke I needed to go to the loo, meaning to leave quietly and without fuss, but he insisted on TAKING ME TO THE LOO. I enter the stall, and from there I ring a friend, who's nearby, and tell her to do something. She shows up a few minutes later yelling, "I knew it, I knew you were a lesbian, so glad you finally came to terms with your sexuality", proceeds to pretend-snog me (lots of hair and arms involved) and walk me out, and as we walk past him, I shit you not, he says, "Can I join?" He's rung me 17 times since (it's been less than 48 hours).
13. The Runaway Date — submitted by chessaf2
I went out with this guy who seemed quite nice when I had originally met him (at a bar). We went to this fancy restaurant, so naturally I dressed up. He came in wearing the dirtiest raggedy clothes. During dinner, all he talked about was how terrible women are, how horrible his ex-wife is, and how much money he has and how much she took. OK, big turnoff. Well, I had forgotten my phone in my car and I'd had WAY too many drinks (just to get through dinner), so we went to my friend's bar; I told her to call my friend to have him pick me up. Then we head to this other joint (where I told my friend to pick me up), and as I'm waiting (unbeknownst to my date) for my friend, he orders us more drinks. There are three ladies next to me on one side and him on the other. One of the ladies asks me a question, so I turn — and when I do, he grabs my ass. When I turn back toward him to give him a piece of my mind, he tries to grab my boobs! But one of the ladies stepped in between us and starts ripping him a new one. At that EXACT moment my friend comes in. I see him, grab his hand, take my heels off, and LITERALLY run away from the date. There's even a video to prove my getaway. Thank god for friends who turn bad dates into fun nights!
14. The Dog Disaster — submitted by Elias Jahshan (Facebook)
I once got my sister to give me a fake emergency call because our dog was rushed to the vet.
Suffice to say, the date seemed to have believed me, as I received a text a few days later that read: "I hope your little buddy is okay. Thinking of you x."
15. The Selfless Lie — submitted by Krystal Watanabe (Facebook)
Lied about having an incurable STD and said I just "cared too much" to inflict that pain on another human being. They weren't part of my circle of friends. I didn't care if they thought the worst of me. Seemed kinder than saying, "I find you unintelligent and have no respect for your values." The whole "it's not you, it's me" in a very extreme way.
16. The Refill — submitted by Escott P Banks (Facebook)
I was on a movie date one time and my date spent most of the time cuddling with me and trying to put their hands down my paints in a packed movie theatre. So I said, "I will be right back, I'm gonna refill my soda," and I just drove away and left my date there.
17. The Deer Accident — submitted by Peter Eggert (Facebook)
Nothing, I've acted like a grown-ass adult & said I was no longer interested.
Or I called saying I hit a deer.