1.
interviewer: why do you want this job? me: I've always been passionate about being able to afford food
2.
Me on a job interview
3.
[Petco] INTERVIEWER: We're looking for a real cat person. ME: *slowly pushes paperwork off desk* INTERVIEWER: holy shit
4.
INTERVIEWER: any weaknesses? ME: my strength I: ? ME: im physically very weak I: oh. Any strengths? ME: [i pick up his desk] im a great liar
5.
Interviewer: do you have good organizational skills Me: I've consolidated all my apps to a single homescreen Interviewer: holy shit
6.
Interviewer: so, tell me a little bit about yourself Me:
7.
interviewer: why do you want a job at my bakery? me: i dont know. i just really knead the dough
8.
INTERVIEWER: do u have any questions for us ME: a cat woud totaly own a cat but a dog woud never own a dog INTERVIEWER: thatS not a question
9.
*Job Interview* "Tell me about yourself" *flashback to when I used to pull out USB drive without clicking safely eject* "I'm risk taker"
10.
interviewer: so why do you want this job? me:
11.
interviewer: so what are your talents? me: well i can clap at exactly the right time during the friends theme tune...
12.
Interviewer 1: Describe yourself in one word Me: Hired Interviewer 2:[whispers] Holy shit can she do that??
13.
INTERVIEWER: Why should we hire you? ME: I once pronounced "Worcestershire" correctly. INTERVIEWER: Holy shit.
14.
*at a job interview* Them: so we found your Twitter accoun... Me:
15.
INTERVIEWER: what makes you different? ME: *begins levitating* INTERVIEWER: holy shit ME: *whispering to my pet chameleons* nice work guys
16.
INTERVIEWER: strengths? ME: I'm good at presenting both sides of an argument INTERVIEWER: great ME: which could also be a weakness…
17.
Interviewer: are you a risk taker? Me: opens ex-instagram & likes a photo from 11 months ago Interviewer: holy shit you are hired
18.
During the job interview vs after you get the job
19.
INTERVIEWER: Okay, do u have any questions/info for me? ME: Did you know boobytrap spelled backwards is partyboob? INTERVIEWER: holy shit
20.
male interviewer: do you have any special skills? me: [removes my bra without taking my shirt off] interviewer: holy shit you're hired
21.
Job Interviewer: So, tell me what special skills you have. Me:
22.
Interviewer: Says here you do magic tricks? Me: *hands him back his business card* Is this your card? Interviewer: holy shit
23.
DOG: I think that job interview went well! *looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a
24.
INTERVIEWER: So can you tell me a little bit about yourself? ME: My aunt used to live in paris...
25.
*walks into a job interview*
26.
Interviewer: what's your greatest weakness? Me: I'm vague Interview: can you elaborate? Me: yeah
27.
INTERVIEWER: would you say you're independent? ME: [looks at mom] [mom nods] i'd say so, yes
28.
When the interviewer asks what you did at your last job
29.
Interviewer: do you have any regrets? Me: one time I signed a petition on http://t.co/7BRPTkEiSl and now they won't stop emailing me