1.
me whispering into my green tea after taking one sip: ʸᵒᵘ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ ᶠᶦˣ ᵐʸ ᵉⁿᵗᶦʳᵉ ˡᶦᶠᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍʳᵒˢˢ ᵇᶦᵗᶜʰ.. ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᶦ ᵇᵉᵍ
2.
me: it’s so hard to fall asleep tonight! I wonder if it’s that iced coffee I had at 6pm? the iced coffee I had at 6pm: https://t.co/XeCpYVp7BP
3.
Once again in my quest to not eat sugar I have eaten Too Much Cheese
4.
me: drinks coffee, drinks alcohol, eats half a pizza with cheesy garlic bread stomach: hurts me: it is a mystery
5.
Me: I’m going to be productive today Also me, after running one errand: i deserve this 4 hour break
6.
I am never more gloriously delusional than when I buy a new planner and for a few precious moments assume that it will immediately fix me and the world entire.
7.
I wish there was an invention where I could send my body to the gym but my mind and soul could stay in bed.
8.
ME: I'm going to start really taking care of my body. Fruits, vegetables, ViTiMiNssss, I am going to FEEL good and LOOK good. No sugar. Maybe I'll go VEGAN. YES I will be a goddess I will GLOW with HEALTH FREE OFFICE DOUGHNUTS: bitch u thought
9.
[burglar gently waking me] you live like this?
10.
Running shoes? No, I don't run. These are my cake gettin' shoes.
11.
*adds shit to her to-do list after she's already done it just so she can cross it out and feel productive*
12.
Salad is for when you want to eat healthy, but you’re also mad at yourself.
13.
I feel strongly that I need to figure out what my favourite flower is before I'm 30. Bitches who have their shit together always have a favourite flower
14.
Dry shampoo makes me feel like I’m doing a good job at life for exactly one minute
15.
my organs: please give us some water we are literally shriveling, please. me: *removes frosé from freezer*
16.
if I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online it's not that I lied it's just that I failed
17.
after some soul searching (buying clothes i don’t need) i have found that everything will be ok
18.
once i start taking my own advice it’s over for u bitches