Buzz·Posted on 9 Sept 201819 Goddamn Hilarious Tweets That'll Get You Sent To The Bad Place"If you want to read Shrek’s favourite verse in the Bible, just open up to Psalm-BODY ONCE TOLD ME."by Jenna GuillaumeEditor-at-Large, BuzzFeed AustraliaLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. EJ Gomez @EJGomez [jesus washing disciples feet] jesus: disciples: jesus: disciples: jesus: disciples: jesus: this...this is weird isnt it 06:41 PM - 04 Jan 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Ben @bencarrxll Me @ the pope when he goes past in the popemobile 06:06 PM - 26 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott Muggers: YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE Me: My Lord will protect me Muggers: Haha, right- Jesus: [appears wielding dual katanas] I smell SINNERS 09:07 PM - 03 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. mama africa @thatgirlsalina IM CRYING LAUGHING 12:27 AM - 22 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Mike Ginn @shutupmikeginn Noah: Two? Why two of every animal? [God whispers in Noah's ear] Noah: nice lol 10:46 PM - 30 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Oregon I.T. not IT ⚾ @OregonJOBS2 What are the chances of running into a gaggle of nuns with a four foot inflatable penis? 04:50 AM - 29 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. fungbunger @parsfarce priest: body of Christ me: which part priest: no the wafer is merely a symbo- me: u got a thigh left 04:15 AM - 07 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Benjamin A. Vorwerk @bvorwerk Waiter: "Would you like a drink?" Jesus: "Water is fine." Jesus: [looks directly into camera] 06:33 PM - 07 Dec 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Noah Herrin @NoahHerrin If you want to read Shrek’s favorite verse in the Bible just open up to Psalm - BODY ONCE TOLD ME 04:03 PM - 20 Jan 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. David Hughes @david8hughes Judas: still on for Friday? Jesus: Friday? Judas: yeah, the last supper Jesus: the what? Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas 12:39 AM - 05 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Mormonger @Mormonger Nobody talks about Jesus' miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s 10:22 PM - 18 Mar 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. k e i t h 🐤🥔 @KeetPotato me: "we commemorate the day you died every year" jesus: "thats nice, what's the day called?" me: jesus: me: jesus: "keith?" me: "bad friday" 06:45 PM - 24 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. God @TheTweetOfGod By this age I thought I’d be more successful. 09:14 PM - 02 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. The Dogfather @matt___nelson JESUS: so I'm u GOD: yes JESUS: and ur me GOD: yes JESUS: I don't get it GOD: I do JESUS: how can one of us get it & not the other GOD: whoa 08:14 PM - 28 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. lou @loulouisepacker don’t u think that mary just cheated on joseph and her cover story got a bit out of hand 06:37 PM - 04 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Elle Oh Well @ElleOhHell I'll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like "Damn, that name's way cooler." 02:50 PM - 01 May 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Mike Primavera @primawesome Wait what do you mean Jesus loves me? Did he say something to you? OMG I'm freaking out right now tell me his exact words. 06:55 PM - 04 Dec 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. arhtullahen @arhtullahen [jesus breaks bread] this is my body [pours wine] this is my blood [opens a jar of mayonnaise] judas: i'm gonna stop you right there.. 07:51 AM - 02 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan In Heaven Me: I can't believe how much stuff the Bible got wrong Gid: You idiots couldn't even get my Giddamn name right 11:20 PM - 30 May 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite