1.
"Sir, what's happening here?" "Just waiting for a mate."
2.
me: strewth me tannins are goin off their fuckin cluckers - kind of wine's this then sommelier: that's a vb sir me: so bloody smooth
3.
best Aussie expressions: - carry on like a pork chop - stop fart arsing around - bitta shush please - rack off ya fucken dog
4.
kid: i don't feel so good mum: they're kicking in m8 I am feeling it
5.
[sees a photo online of a spider found deep in the bush] woah! australia is so dangerous! [continues to live in a city devoid of wildlife]
6.
"australia has no culture" explain this then
7.
In Australia Spider Man is a guy who likes putting ice cream in his coke
8.
I'm going to the Logies for the first time tonight, which one of the @HomeandAwayTV boys is most likely to put out?
9.
Literally the most enduring piece of Australian culture is this image
10.
Australia's national pastime is clapping out of time during every song at concerts.
11.
i love that australia regularly runs ad campaigns for meat. not a specific company that makes meat or sells meat. just the concept of meat
12.
Great pic of all the Australian prime ministers since 2010. #libspill
13.
In Australia there isn't mistletoe, so we just have to kiss under the influence.
14.
how to get people's attention in australia: -OI FUCK FACE
15.
so, yes or no to the next party?
16.
sheila: what's your baddest fantasy me: paying for three bags of ice at the servo but taking four sheila: what? me: ohh christ i'm erect
17.
true Australia fact, we have 4 seasons & they're named Autumn, Fuck it's Cold Hey, Magpie Bastards, and Tropical Strength Aerogard
18.
mal: like a tiger george: what are you doing? mal: do it with me, like a tiger george: no i wont mal: like a tiger
19.
"Nice indicator dickhead!" - Ancient Australian Proverb
20.
me: where ya from mate bloke: dublin me: dubbo u say bloody shithole bloke: no dublin me: *spit* thats for bein from dubbo ya cockhead
21.
id love to get one day looking at australia through the eyes of an american
22.
Never forget that Australia fought a war against the Emu... and lost
23.
in australia we don't say "i love you" we say "fuck off cunt or ill smash ya" and i think it's truly beautiful