18 Lessons You Learn When You Visit A Water Park As An Adult
So. Many. Stairs.
Carrying a inflated raft to the top of a waterslide is tiring as all hell. But that counts as cardio, so basically you don't have to go to the gym for like a week afterward.
Though it might give you calves like a Hungarian shot-putter.
Don't have McDonalds for breakfast. You're going to be walking around in your swimmers all day, you don't need to be full of McMuffins and hash browns.
Rash shirts will never be cool. Sorry mum.
You'll probably regret saying that when you go home looking like a lobster.
Even if you tried to do the thrifty thing of bringing a sandwich from home, lets face it, that warm squishy mess at the bottom of your bag can't compete with the smell of hot chips.
But the only food available to buy there will probably kill you.
No tomato sauce is worth 70 cents. Especially this crappy off brand.
Trust no grass.
No matter how "mature" you are, you're allowed to laugh when people talk about "riding the Black Hole".
Unless you're wearing some sort of sports bra/girdle combination, there's a very high chance that a waterslide will leave you half naked.
This 'map' will make you feel even more lost than you were to begin with.
You almost won't want to win any races, because it means you're heavier than all your friends.
You'll wish you'd made some sort of bingo card to cross off all the things you're bound to see there.
You're going to spend a lot of time wondering how much pee is in the water you accidentally swallow.
After eight hours of climbing stairs and waiting in lines, this is the most glorious sign you could ever see.
Until you see this one.
All things considered though, it might even be more fun to visit as an adult. Because there's no one to tell you to wear a rash shirt and not spend $30 on a burger.
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