1.
me waking up: wow i can't wait to go to sleep tonight
2.
in my twenties i thought i was an extrovert but it turns out i was just drunk and screaming
3.
Another day has passed and I haven't used Pythagoras theorem
4.
me figuring out what to wear
5.
When you laugh at a dumb meme and your partner, who is not an internet person, asks whats so funny but it’s like a tier 3 meme and you’ve gotta explain about 7 years of internet for them to understand the nuances https://t.co/LdflDScpKL
6.
"What's the craziest thing you've ever done for money?" Me:
7.
me after the smallest inconvenience
8.
Forgetting to attach the document you said was attached
9.
being under house arrest sounds incredible. u don't have to leave your house AND u get a free bracelet???! hell ya
10.
i can’t believe i was ever 14 years old it just doesn’t seem like something i’d do
11.
I can tell I’m getting older bc I find this v v v funny
12.
this is uni
13.
do u ever randomly “smell” a certain place and setting from a long time ago????? like of all the sudden your nose is like “HEY HERE’S A QUICK WHIFF OF YOUR KINDERGARTEN CLASS DURING LUNCHTIME” and you don’t even know how your nose saved that particular smell???????? https://t.co/AYdHa55ElR
14.
When I have no idea how to comfort my friends but I try anyway
15.
16.
Me trying to ask someone for a favor: Hey could you help me with this thing? Absolutely no pressure though. Totally ok if you can’t. If you’d rather run me over with a car that’s cool. Are you mad at me?
17.
I bet I’m gonna accidentally get married with a hair tie on my wrist
18.
sometimes u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order
19.
Face? Banging Personality? Banging Body? Mind your business Finances? There is rice at home
20.
are you ever feeling real cute but then have to parallel park and you realize you ain’t shit
21.
If I ever figure out what the fuck I'm doing, hoo baby, look out
22.
23.
i’m never having a crush on someone ever again that shit is embarrassing
24.
Me: “I wish people would invite me out more,” Me in a social setting:
25.
Me: I'm a strong and intelligent woman. Also me: Wed-nes-day.
26.
me to me: damn no offense but you need to see a fuckin therapist