Buzz·Posted on 31 May 201726 Funny Tweets That'll Distract You For A Hot MinuteYou can always count on Twitter.by Jemima SkelleyBuzzFeed Staff, AustraliaFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink Recently we asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share with us the funniest tweets they could think of. Here are the best answers: 1. maddie holden @winningprotocol *wipes doritos dust onto cum-stained sweatpants* hmmmmm time to pick out a flawless wife on the internet. not rihanna her forehead's too big 12:48 PM - 07 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite – @jdub 2. Twitter: @s14hx – Yas Langley 3. jack @THOTJAI did shrek not wear this 10:08 PM - 11 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite – Jemima Skelley 4. shut up, mike @shutupmikeginn Being 28-2016: I'm not ready for a relationship 28-1816: I have 13 kids 28-1000BC: I lived a good life, thrice I ate a berry and once a pear 05:53 AM - 06 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite – begoodb16 5. J.Beaner @jeannerbeaner "No more self-deprecating tweets," I whisper fatly. 02:43 AM - 23 Sep 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite – marissaj429196c24 6. David Hughes @david8hughes [sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye] "Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye." 03:41 PM - 01 Jun 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite – abbeye432d08a66 7. @sheseemslegit – Yas Langley 8. mat whitehead @matwhi when y'all subtweet and I have to search for the full story 01:44 AM - 04 May 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite – Stephanie Anderson 9. Afro Queen @brit_knees Don't go Jason Waterfalls <3 love that song 02:27 AM - 22 Oct 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite – jasminew41577d6c7 10. Michael Deppisch @deppisch "I'm going to kill you, Brendadirk Cramplescrunch." 02:52 AM - 23 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite – clpacer 11. lil sammy vert @sammmmmmmantha You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died 10:27 PM - 08 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite – haightashbury1967 12. Clevtp95 @CleverTP "yeah of course I can paint your ceiling." Michelangelo scoffed to himself, "gonna paint a bunch of dudes with they dick outs on it tho" 02:44 AM - 28 Mar 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite – acshaw15 13. ♡ brian essbe ♡ @SortaBad One time I saw a video of a guy holding up a sign that said "I love you Stevie" at a Stevie Wonder concert. I think about this a lot. 03:34 AM - 26 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite – zoeuno101 14. Marcus @MarcusLepage Going to sleep 03:32 AM - 27 Apr 2009 Reply Retweet Favorite Marcus @MarcusLepage Fuck, I slept in 10:49 AM - 12 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite – Erica Sloan, Facebook 15. @binki_shapiro – contempt 16. nazis need punches🌹 @InternetEh I just laughed so hard I have to go use a rescue inhaler now 04:16 PM - 13 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite – @Patrickavenell 17. #softmom @tatianawrites how'd he have time to write all those plays then 11:17 PM - 20 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite – Jemima Skelley 18. illy bocean @IllyBocean [awful Cranberries voice] 🎶 shot in the heeeead / in the heeeeead / ha-ram-be / ha-ram-be / harambe-EY-ey-EY-ey-EY 03:25 AM - 23 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite – @MarkDiStef 19. Lana Del Raekwon @donniemnemonic tfw you want the minister of fisheries and oceans to review your snow crab proposal 08:33 PM - 31 Oct 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite – @lanesainty 20. Twitter: @imteddybless – ktalbot 21. Craig Ferguson @CraigyFerg My 10 yr old son just found out about the NASCAR driver named Dick Trickle. I may have to get oxygen. The kid is losing it. 02:08 AM - 10 Sep 2011 Reply Retweet Favorite – OoohTheInternet 22. Alex Rogaski @AlexRogaski My evil clone:[pointing to me] Shoot HIM, he's the clone Friend:[aims at the clone] The REAL Alex would never pass up an opportunity to die 07:40 PM - 26 May 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite – frecklefreak14 23. 🌹 @flexanie Am I the only one who charger look like this? (Excuse my feet btw) 04:15 AM - 18 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite – Michelle Rennex 24. chuuch @ch000ch Romeo: check out this cat video Juliet: omg dead 😂 Juliet: hello Juliet: romeo Juliet: i didn't mean literally dead Juliet: romeo 10:35 PM - 21 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite – Dean Nye 25. josh nalven ☕️🐀 @JNalv I'm sorry Ms. Jackson (Oooooo)/ I am four eels/ Never meant to make your daughter cry/ I am several fish and not a guy 09:42 PM - 20 Feb 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite – @proudwing 26. Christina Martin @christinamartin Generalising a bit there 02:39 PM - 30 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite – Olivia Marie Follow BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter for your chance to be featured in upcoming posts.