1. Emily rocking the usual sports look first thing in the morning, but with some added fake lashes this time.
2. These girls are always so chill about A.D. breaking into their house. Oh, a board game’s appeared in our bedroom. That’s cool.
3. Wow all these girls’ houses are getting searched? Rosewood PD are really on the case, for once.
4. Omg who has a paper shredder in their house though? Maybe it’s because Ezra and Aria are ~writers~ and ~writers~ need a paper shredder.
5. Although, when was the last time we saw either of them write so much as a sentence?
6. Omg YES Tanner, was only thinking about that B last week, and what the hell happened to her.
7. Wait… what did happen to her? I can’t even remember her leaving.
8. I am INTO this dramatic start to the episode.
9. Tanner’s like, “I had to come back because the male cops couldn’t keep their dicks in their pants around you Spencer, soz”.
10. “I can tell you’re surprised by Detective Fury’s absence” – no, Spencer’s trying to think of how she can woo you now Tanner, not sure if gummy bears or flirtation will cut it.
11. Tanner is more done with these girls’ shit than I am, and that’s saying something.
12. If the police searched their phones, surely they’d see all the texts from A.D..
13. But then again, that’s too logical, A.D. has probably somehow mysteriously erased them all.
14. Oh nice, A.D. has a male voice now. What happened to their Paige-esque voice?
15. Yes Mona, catch Aria out! I’ll be so sad if they kill Mona off at the end, she’s the only good thing about this show.
16. How nice of Hanna’s mum to offer her help. I wonder who she’ll sleep with this time.
17. Sorry but these girls are way too chill about Ali and Emily getting together. If my two friends started boning (and one of them had recently been married to a man), I would have a little more to say than just “about time”.
18. I just love how A.D. is everywhere. On the phone one minute using a voice disguise, somehow then sneaking a phone into the kitchen in Radley. Honestly, what an exhausting lifestyle.
19. Mona is truly coming through with the receipts against Aria.
20. Omg a WILD Toby appears. Literally.
21. He’s taken the stress beard off Ezra.
22. Writers: "How do we show Toby’s sadness and heartbreak when he always seems emotionless?"
23. I.Marlene: "I know just the thing!"
24. Ezra should recognise the look of Aria all in black, he’s been that kind of shady before.
25. She should have just told him she was going out for chickpeas.
26. Sorry, I’ll probably make that joke every week until this show is over.
27. But also surely this is a trap, right? It seems pretty unwise to go to the woods in the middle of the night to meet someone who’s been terrorising you for months.
28. Lol as if you’d take a phone call in the middle of this confrontation, okeh Alison.
29. Who would even be calling her? Jason? Trap-lord Kenny D?
30. “Because of you my parents are getting a divorce,” ummmm idk if it’s just Aria’s fault though Spencer, maybe Slut Daddy Hastings has something to answer for there.
31. When Aria was like “remember Malcolm” I had literally no clue who she was talking about.
32. How do the writers keep track of all the dramatic things that have happened on this show? I’m imagining they have a giant, crazy-looking mindmap.
33. Of COURSE these dumb girls would get tripped up by their Google searches.
34. Tanner is finally giving them the chance to reveal everything and get some actual adult help. I’m sure once they reveal how much A.D. is fucking them up, surely it won’t be such a big deal that they accidentally killed Rollins, who was a criminal anyway.
35. “You wouldn’t tell me the truth and you ended up in an underground bunker”, omg Tanner has them there tbh, TELL TANNER EVERYTHING 2k17.
36. Or even just Tell Someone Something 2k17.
37. So Aria’s using a phone which has A.D. saved as a contact. Can’t she just check the number and use that to find A.D.?
38. Omg how does A.D. have eyes on Aria in the car? The bitch is EVERYWHERE I tell you.
39. This phone doesn’t hang up? That’s like my worst nightmare.
40. I love how everyone’s like “I should confess, this is my fault for xx,” and Emily is like “nah I’m not taking this shit”.
41. I would nearly say Emily’s had the easiest run out of everyone. Well, she hasn’t killed anyone yet anyway. I think.
42. Lol who knows, I can’t keep track.
43. I can’t stop thinking Ashley Marin wants to bone Caleb.
44. Why was Tanner checking red light cameras in New Hampshire? Like, how did she stumble on this photo of “Aria”?
45. LMAOOOOOO EZRA KNEW ABOUT THE POLICE REPORT THE WHOLE TIME. Aria didn’t even need to do all that sneaking around.
46. Wow he’s being such a good guy all of a sudden. This is suspicious.
47. Ezra’s like “I know, you should have been angry, I am pretty predatory”.
48. Aria and Ezra are gonna have some intense sex now, the truth sets you free after all.
49. Men are so easily distracted, if my partner was like to me “we must passionately kiss/have sex before I tell you this thing” I’d be like “whoa hold up there, put your pants back on and talk”.
50. I cannot believe that Caleb and Hanna are going to get MARRIED ha ha ha this show is fkn bonkers.
51. Also Hanna’s mom being like, “Caleb told me the truth, most of which I am not happy about”. Like that’s what my mum would say to me if I forgot to unpack the dishwasher, not if I accidentally murdered someone.
52. I am SO SICK of these girls wandering around the back woods of this town in the middle of the night.
53. Literally when did Alison even get time to set that picnic up for Emily, bitch is like four months pregnant or something, and they’re both on the verge of going to jail.
54. This show, honestly.
55. A.D.: “You’re all fucked in 24 hours time and going to jail.”
56. PLL girls: “Let’s go screw our significant others/exes.”
57. Me every time a wild-eyed Spencer appears: “Is this Spencer or Spencerietta?”
58. Spencer is being VERY insensitive, talking about kissing Toby when his wife died like a week ago. She hasn’t even asked him how he is.
59. Oh, for fucks sake.
60. Fans: “We want answers!”
61. I.Marlene: “How about all the original couples having some nice, PG-rated sex instead?”
62. Fans: “Umm, there are two episodes to go after this, what the fuck is happening?”
63. I.Marlene: “Let’s play a SAD, acoustic rendition of ‘Stand By Me’, the perfect song for all our couples to make SWEET, SAD LOVE TO.”
64. I can’t believe that Aria was like “Ezra, I need to tell you something and you might break up with me when you hear it” and they just jumped into having sex without him even being like “hang on, what?”
65. Also I find it very hard to believe that Hanna is fine getting married in casual clothes, with no audience, no bridesmaids dress, no extravagant flowers, no music, no reception, etc.
66. Has Hanna even told the girls she’s gotten MARRIED? They’re all just sitting around casually at 4am waiting for something to happen, surely she could slip it into conversation.
67. Hmmm Alison didn’t actually say “I swear” when Hanna wanted them all to promise they wouldn’t turn on each other, intriguing.
68. Where did Spencer pull that rock from to smash the phone?
69. How violent, it’s like the time Alison got hit over the h- HOLD ON A SECOND.
70. Spencer, blink twice if that’s ACTUALLY you.
71. How did she even get back from Toby’s cabin that quick?
72. Even if Aria confesses, there is no evidence against her. It’s cute that she thinks she can actually control this situation.
73. Lmao how did A.D. make that phone blow up??? It makes no fucking sense.
74. Why is Caleb saying "Mona lives a block away from this board game tracker" like that’s damning evidence? It’s a very small town, I’m sure everyone lives a block away.
75. Sooooo A.D. somehow exhumed Rollins’ body, kept it hidden somewhere, and secretly put it in Aria’s trunk without anyone noticing? Sounds legit.
76. Also how did she even notice it was in the car?
77. AND how long has Rollins’ actually been dead for, that body has some mad decay going on.
78. Ezra and Caleb and their fucking infrared technology is killing me.
79. Does I.Marlene really think we believe this Mona set up?
80. Try again, sweaty.
81. Find you a girl who looks at you the same way Mona looks at this board game, though.