15 People You'll Meet At Every House Party

Whether you're hosting, attending, or crashing because your friend Aaron said they had a keg.

1. Brent, That Guy Who Talks Way Too Liberally About His Sex Life

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Brent, we're all happy you get laid, but will you PLEASE stop talking about it at every party we throw? Telling women that we're "in the middle of a sexual renaissance" does not mean that they'll sleep with you, and nobody wants to hear your prostitute stories.

2. Kim the Keggerator

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Kim can drink you under the table. Kim can drink just about anybody under the table, she's totally the life of the party. Actually, when was the last time you saw Kim without a drink in her hand? Now that you mention it, maybe Kim has a problem.

3. Vera, Who Contributes to Society

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At least when Vera went off to med school, you could still say she was a student. Now that she's back from her tour with Doctors Without Borders and working at the local ER, it's starting to get on your nerves. Can't you just think about someone more fortunate for 30 seconds, Vera!

4. Lingering Lucas

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Lucas shows up without much fanfare and seems like a pretty normal dude. You might not pay much attention to him until the party starts to die down and he's still there. Watching, waiting, probably flirting with the last single girl at the party. He might even spend the night on your couch without asking.

5. Natalie, The Last Single Girl at the Party

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As soon as word gets out that there's only one single girl left at the party, all the creepy dudes flock to Natalie like moths to some sort of Moth-orgy. Sure, somebody might make a pass Andrea because Greg is in another room, but all of the misguided sexual attention in the house is fixated on Natalie after 1:30. She loves it, but she also knows better than to take any of these guys home with her. They might stay the night on the floor in your dining room, or perhaps add a stain to that couch you were considering throwing out, but things are definitely going to be brief between them.

6. Aaron, Who's Inexplicably Wearing a Suit

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You'll bite, you're curious. Where was he that he's wearing a suit on a Saturday night? Well, he's probably already told the story when he was talking to Kim earlier, so maybe wait a little bit. Don't want to be rude, the guy is really classing the place up.

7. Greg and Andrea, the Couple That Always Has Somewhere Else to Be

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Greg and Andrea are cute. Everybody gets along with them, but they're the worst. You can always count on them to "stop by for a bit," but invariably they disappear by 10PM. There's no way anyone could reasonably have THAT many social obligations every damn weekend.

8. Flirty Fran

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Fran loves people, and people love Fran. You can't remember the last time that you had a party and one of your single friends didn't hit you up the next day for Fran's number. Usually it's more like five of six of your single friends, but who's counting? Oh right, Fran is.

9. Greg's Friend, I think His Name Was Steve?

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You've met (Steve?) before, and he definitely came to the last house party you threw, but for the life of you you can't remember his name. (Steve?) seems like a nice guy, but the only detail you can remember about him is that he's boring. Hopefully he won't come talk to you anytime soo-- shit, here he comes.

10. Nickname Guy

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You've heard him called Dooger, The Doog, Big Daddy Doog-mack, and Snuffaluffagus. I have no idea what his name actually is. You could ask Lucas, but then you'd have to talk to Lucas.

11. Chase the Chanter

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Chase is the guy that starts the 'Chug! Chug! Chug!' chant, fashions a beer-bong out of your colander, and generally tries to escalate the party beyond reason. He needs to calm down, but he's definitely too drunk to do that now.

12. Rachel, Who Ends Up Playing Mom

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Some people STILL haven't learned how to drink a reasonable amount of alcohol (Looking at you, Kim). Inevitably, Rachel ends up playing mom and babysitting them through the worst of it. You feel kinda bad, but Rachel does a killer job cleaning your bathroom. Not that excuses Kim's behavior or anything, but you know...

13. Skeptical Stephanie

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Wearing her signature "Aren't we too old for this" scowl the entire evening, Stephanie is actually your friend who needs to loosen up the most. Seriously, Stephanie could start a diamond mine with how uptight she is. You know what totally won't work? Any attempt to get her to have fun.

14. EDM David

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David really thinks this is the club. He even hijacked the music at one point to play his shitty EDM mixes. He's probably on something, but you're not exactly sure what.

15. Whoever Broke the Door Knob Off the Upstairs Bathroom and Didn't Say Anything

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Really? Really!?!??!! It's not even that difficult to fix. Just tell me. It would be nice if people could just be straightforward and honest with you for once. Sure, you knew it was loose last week and didn't do anything about it then, but it's the principle of the thing!