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1. A champagne-scented soy candle so you can re-create the ambiance of a one-on-one date right in your living room.
2. This book written by a former Bachelor contestant and former Bachelorette about staying strong after heartbreak, because — let's be real — there's a lot of it on this show.
3. Or a book on what goes down behind the scenes — we all wanna know what parts of the show keep viewers hooked no matter how much we inevitably complain about every season — and the psychology of the show written by a journalist who used to cover the franchise.
4. These Bachelor bingo cards that are perfect for your next viewing party.
5. A pair of wool socks that'll keep your piggies nice 'n' toasty while you sit on the edge of your couch taking in all the drama — not that you won't already be heated up every time the season's villain claims they're "here for the right reasons." 🙄
6. This vinyl sticker depicting the hilariously surprising moment when contestant Kelsey tried taking a big ol' swig from the champagne bottle and wound up basically wearing it as a face mask right in front of Pilot Pete — luckily, Kelsey was such a good sport about it!
7. Or these planner stickers that include phrases and images from the franchise. Your bare, boring laptop will thank you kindly for purchasing them.
8. A car decal to totally explain why you keep weaving in and out of lanes and running every red light at 7:55 p.m. on a Monday.
9. This festive-looking crown you and all of your friends can bust out at your next viewing party to confirm once and for all (in case there was any confusion) that you're here for Peter.
10. A pretty fly-looking sweatshirt to keep you warm when your blood turns ice cold every time the season's villain gets yet another undeserved rose during the ceremonies.
11. This set of shot glasses that'll really come in handy when you and your friends have to take a shot every time someone says, "She's not here for the right reasons."
12. Or this wine glass that pairs perfectly with the three bottles necessary to get through every two-hour episode.
13. A Peter Weber-inspired birthday card. No explanation needed — if you know, you know.
14. And this very welcoming doormat for the only three things that matter on Monday nights — everyone else will just have to wait 'til Tuesday.
15. A "What would John Paul Jones Do" — try saying that five times fast — sticker you can put on your tumbler, laptop, car, and other surfaces to remind you that the answer is always to stay calm and eat chicken nuggets.
16. These adorable pins that are sure to make a good first impression on any Bachelor fan.
17. A machine-washable tee you can only wear on Monday nights lest the Bachelor gods and Chris Harrison forbid you from ever seeing another rose ceremony again.
18. This little wine glass charm to help you identify your glass — because when you're watching the most dramatic season ever and guzzling wine with buddies, mistakes get made and you wind up accidentally finishing your friend's rosé instead of your own.
19. A keychain that's cute enough to make even your non-Bachelor-watching friend say, "Can I steal this for a sec?"
20. Aaaand this cozy long-sleeve top because although it's especially relevant during Pilot Pete's already-tumultuous season, we all know by this point to expect nothing less from any season. Buckle up, y'all.
Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.