1. The future is goddamn scary.
2. Technology has left us open to pranks.
My neighbor has an unsecured, wireless printer. I just sent this document to it.
3. Products look like they want to steal our soul.
The new, bagless, Dyson soul harvester
4. Or worse, like they want to kill us.
relax and let the ipad spider stand over your prone body
5. This is a thing people can actually do.
Last night my mate asked to use a USB port to charge his cigarette, but I was using it to charge my book. The future is stupid.
6. Pasta needs an app. PASTA.
Why does my pasta need an app I hate 2017
7. You can’t turn on lights without needing an instruction manual.
When you're house sitting for millennials and ask how the lights work
8. Even getting water requires technology.
I just wanted some water...
9. Everything has to come with a warning.
"please do not expand the list by killing people."
10. There are just too many things to distract us.
Fuck watching the massive Champions League game. Let's have a look at some dogs.
11. And it’s getting increasingly more difficult to concentrate.
Learn how to read a book again simply by sticking a twitter Avi alongside every paragraph.......
12. Everyone takes everything too personally.
That one person that assumes everything you say is about them
13. Relationships can no longer last.
Grandparents stayed married 50 years cause Grandma couldn't text "What are you doing?" "Where are you?" & "Why are you ignoring me?" all day
14. Really, really weird jobs exist.
You wanna know what's up with the youth of today? You go to millennial expert Morley Winograd
15. Email addresses are distorting the names our parents gave us.
THANK YOU Central for my awesome email address and username...... Like really😒
16. We’re no longer on the look out for stranger danger.
1998: - Don't get in strangers' cars - Don't meet ppl from internet 2016: - Literally summon strangers from internet to get in their car
17. Everything looks too damn similar.
As I complain bitterly about our wifi not working I eventually realise I've been turning an air freshener on & off.
18. Reminders were never this absurd when we wrote them down on paper
I have no idea what I told Siri to remind me about while groggy last night, but it certainly wasn't this.
19. Social media is just so damn confusing.
Truly incredible development
20. Seriously, who is this guy?
who the hell is jeff
21. You can't even escape by going to the movies.
2017 is going to be worse everybody.
22. And religion offers no peace.
ok that's the last straw sprinkle of Jesus. I'm deleting you.
23. Vanity has reached new heights.
Y'all my sister bought a fan that plugs into her phone so when she takes selfies it blows her hair I'm done
24. Websites think they know our habits.
Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.
25. There are livestreams EVERYWHERE.
16,000 people just watched me get a live tattoo of Donald Trump sucking a dick. Welcome to the future.
26. Babies are getting mixed up with food.
FACEBOOK IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE
27. And it's actually possible for teens to crash the global economy.
Banking tips