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59 Thoughts You Have When Watching "Bake Off" For The First Time

"This is the most BBC thing ever."

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1. Great, the first time I decide to watch the show and it's bread week.

2. Literally the most boring food in the world.

3. "DOUGHverload". I've got a feeling that won't be the first bread pun.

4. Wait, do they cook inside that tent?

5. How do they get gas, electricity, and water?

6. Do they just cook on stoves like you do when camping?

7. Can I just randomly tune into an episode, or will I get lost like I did with Game of Thrones?

8. Which one of these characters should I be rooting for?!



10. They're making something called quick bread.

11. How much quicker can bread be?

12. You just stick it in the oven or one of those fancy bread makers and it's done.

13. You could just do what a normal person does and buy it from the local supermarket.

14. The silver fox with the piercing blue eyes knows his bread science.

15. It looks like this baking business is just a case of throwing any old stuff together and bunging it in an oven.

16. Hell, I bet I could easily bake.

17. Just pour some flour, maybe add in some chocolate chips and a bit of custard, then stick it on to bake. Easy.

18. Why are we watching them watching their stuff baking?

19. This is exactly what montages were made for.

20. Just play some appropriate '80s music and show a few segments of the contestants casually chatting and having fun with flour – that sort of thing.

21. "SODA quick bread making...". Pun count: Two.

22. Are Mary Berry and the man with the soulful eyes just going to eat the bread plain?

23. At least slice up some Cathedral City and make a sandwich.

24. Christ, none of this bread is even designed to fit in a toaster.

25. 0/10 from me.

26. Chocolate bread? So basically just a cake.

27. Are Mary Berry and the other guy dating?!

28. Or are they mother and son?

29. Oh god, I'm so confused.

30. No, wait, that's the Paul Hollywood bloke I've heard about.

31. He's eying up that bread like he wants to fuck it.

32. Lock up your carbs, Paul Hollywood is in town.


33. Baguettes now.

34. There's a lot of talk about proving the bread.

35. Like proving the bread exists? Because it definitely exists. I mean it's right there.

36. They get instruction manuals?

37. Seems like a bit of a cheat.

38. Jesus, these guys don't hold back on their bread opinions.

39. They're acting like someone shat in the bread dough.

40. They chose the first and second bread they tried as the best?

41. Maybe they were full by the time they reached the end of the line.

42. A role model/roll models pun there. Pun count: Three.

43. Now we're learning about the history of Ukrainian bread, because why not?

44. This is the most BBC thing ever.

45. Looks like the Eurovison entry for...

46. ... and the Mel stole my joke.

47. Ooh, 3D bread sculptures now. This actually seems kind of fun.

48. MichelangelDOUGH. Pun count: Four.

49. Why don't they make a mini Stonehenge with the baguettes they just made?

50. BREADvard Munch. Pun count: Five

51. Wow, this is weirdly tense.

52. Did he just describe that as "one of the best things I've seen in bread, ever"?

53. I wonder what the best thing I've ever seen in bread is?

54. I should probably start keeping a list.

55. Oh, that was kind of an anti-climax.

56. That's the nicest I've ever seen anyone kicked off a TV show.

57. DESSERTS next week.

58. I'm 100% tuning in to that show.

59. Oh god, who have I become?!