1.
Dominos asked robbie how many slices he wanted his pizza cut into 4 or 6 n he said 4 cause he couldn't eat 6
2.
chewing gum geen me better advice than half ma pals
3.
Bonnar just got pulled by the police n they asked if he had anythin on him that he shouldn't have n he said "aye ma maws socks"😂😂😂
4.
Good to see buckfast now putting fighting instructions on the boxes
5.
just need £100,000 to get me on ma feet that's aw
6.
Aye awrite showaff
7.
Driving instructor says u just back fae Tenerife n a went naw just the sun beds, n he went naw cos ur on the wrang side ae the road 😂😂😂
8.
Canny believe ma dugs just had pups
9.
Mad how yie get 6 points and a £200fine for being on yer phone yet there's folk oot there way eyelashes on there motor n getting away wae it
10.
Hahahha no way this guys baws are oan back to front 😭😭😭
11.
mind at primary skl when ye wid lose yer jumper n started sniffing ppls jumper to see who had urs n you'd be lit "na thats defo no ma smell"
12.
£545 to look like yer floating around with Jubbly's on yer feet
13.
No way did a drunk lassie on the train just tell me she doesn't want wains cos she loves dogs n went "Nae wains great dains"
14.
Wot on earth hahahaa
15.
Imagine being a fuckin vegan, walking hame after a night oot steaming like "fuck me i could go a cabbage supper"
16.
ooft gees a draw a that
17.
am so bad for over-packing like yeh al just bring tons more pants in case a pish masel every day that am there
18.
How many tins could the tin man tan if the tin man could tan tins?
19.
Fuckin mastermind at KFC drive thru just asked if a was sittin in or takin away...Aye hold the door open tae a reverse inside ya stupit dick
20.
When u wake up thinking it's Monday morning and text your gaffer wanting a day aff 😂
21.
A say "Ano" a lot for somecunt that knows absolutely fuck all aboot anythin
22.
FKN HOWLING oot wi ma maw n she's brought her umbrella which is actually a hip flask in disguise
23.
Get yersel a burd who's as happy to see ye as bus drivers fae the same company when they pass each other
24.
This wee guys been hittin a badyin in ma gaff for ages somdy come n collect him
25.
Just got home, went to hang my jacket up Nae peg. Weird. Some mad burd pops out n starts shouting at me. Also weird. Am in the flat below
26.
Don't hink my da gets how to use emojis 👀
27.
Went inty the shop for sweeties after work n the burd said 'you look how a feel pal' you better feel fantastic then ya cheeky boot