Buzz·Posted on Dec 7, 201524 Tweets About Sex Guaranteed To Make You Laugh*pokes sex life with a stick*by Jamie JonesBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink 1. Snorklhuahua @weinerdog4life Sex is a lot like Mario Kart, you go really fast, you throw some bananas, Wario is there. 12:43 AM - 29 Jan 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. k e e t @KeetPotato [undoes GFs bra first time] "wow have you been practicing?" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances] 09:51 PM - 17 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Ham on Wry @realHamOnWry If there's a sock on my doorknob it means I'm having sex with the other one. 08:02 AM - 23 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. shut up, mike @shutupmikeginn Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing 09:59 PM - 26 Dec 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Rocky Momax @rockymomax [having sex] Me: Oh ya you like that? Her: Deeper! Me: [baritone voice] OH YA YOU LIKE THAT? 03:03 PM - 01 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Mark Leggett @markleggett What if birds have tiny human-like ears underneath their feathers? That's certainly something to think about, but not during sex. 06:19 AM - 30 Dec 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. dan mentos @DanMentos judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison my lawyer: your honor my client respectfully requests a year be added to his sentence 05:17 PM - 30 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Michael @Home_Halfway HER: I like talking during sex, but I can't stand it when you narrate the whole thing ME: As she complains, I begin removing my pants slowly 06:11 PM - 07 Apr 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. The Dark Side @StaceyShortcake My phone autocorrects 'sex' into 'pez' in case you were wondering just how dead my pez life is. 07:06 PM - 28 Dec 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. David Hughes @david8hughes [at the drs] Dr: are you sexually active? Me: yeah Dr: with real people Me [avoiding eye contact & twisting my foot in the ground]: yip 11:01 AM - 16 Aug 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Noodles @Dawn_M_ [gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] "Go on without me" 03:53 PM - 25 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Periwinkle Jones @peachesanscream A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. So would mine, probably, if I was having sex with something made out of bacon. 02:31 PM - 23 Jun 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz [stops during sex] If you spin my fanny pack around, there's sandwiches in there. Help yourself. 04:52 PM - 17 Jun 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42 It creeps me out when my dog watches my wife and I have sex. We hide the videotapes, but he always finds them. 06:36 PM - 09 Jan 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Cool Eric @OBiiieeee [trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex] Her: faster! faster! Me: oh god no 03:49 AM - 23 Oct 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Fred Delicious @Fred_Delicious [Girl takes off her clothes] "You have had sex before right?" [Me, in a suit of armor & holding a cauliflower] ... "no actually" 09:01 PM - 23 Aug 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Saucy Krismas @Book_Krazy *pokes sex life with a stick 01:45 AM - 03 Jun 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Scotty @MarylandMudflap Next time your getting hot & heavy with a girl, if she asks if you have a condom, look over both shoulders then whisper "A penis condom?" 04:11 PM - 26 Apr 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. DaBear @astutenewf Her:How long before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?" Dr.:No one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out. 12:59 PM - 18 Jan 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Cutie McBooty @8_sisha Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I'll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment. 10:40 PM - 17 Sep 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. brendan @superduperkewl This girl told me she liked to be teased in the bedroom so we laid down and I said her new glasses looked stupid and she starts crying. wtf? 03:33 AM - 15 Sep 2011 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Charlene deGuzman @charstarlene Sorry I yelled "killin' it" when your mom was eating that banana. 03:08 AM - 07 Jan 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. David Hughes @david8hughes Me: Netflix & chill? Her: sure [later that night] Her: so you don't have Netflix? Me [pulling out 20 condoms]: I don't have chill either 02:05 PM - 15 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. ♡ B ♡ @SortaBad Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba 04:39 AM - 05 Aug 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite Need more buzz like this in your life? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Today newsletter!