Firstly, you're going to need to scout your target with a decent pair of binoculars.
Oh no, there's a padlocked chain draped loosely over the laptop.
Luckily all good hackers carry a crowbar with them.
Steady on there cowboy, you can't touch this thing without a good pair of gloves.
Make a mistake like that and you'll get caught by the cyber police.
Pro tip: The thicker the gloves, the better.
Plus a smart trilby never hurt anyone.
Keep quiet by wearing a porcelain mask.
Or even better, don't have a face.
Gloves, goggles, face mask, and a hood! This person was paying attention in hacker school.
It's really important that you don't get distracted and convert to Mormonism.
You can even chew on your knife to help improve your cognitive powers.
Use a good torch to light up that difficult to see back-lit screen.
Not too bright. Now you're going to need sunglasses.
Sometimes it's good to step away and gain a different perspective by facing the back of screen.
Once you're ready to start hacking, just hit the key that's helpfully labelled with a pirate logo.
Now inhale some of that tasty stolen data.
Failing all of the above, just punch through a laptop and steal someone's wallet.