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16 Food Questions Britain Has For America

Please stop ruining the good reputation of cheese.

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6. Who is Joe and why is he sloppy?

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Google tells me that a sloppy joe is a burger filled with a minced-beef type sauce. This only raises more questions.

7. Why have you ruined the good name of cheese?

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Cheese has the reputation of being a solid, upstanding member of the dairy community – the type of food you'd love to have as a neighbour. Please leave cheese alone.

8. Why do you call an aubergine an eggplant?

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The maths just doesn't add up. Although to be fair eggplant definitely sounds a lot better than aubergine when talking about the emoji.

12. Why does your chocolate taste kind of vomit-y?

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To anyone not accustomed to the taste, American chocolate tastes like dirt – especially in comparison to chocolate from Britain.

13. Why do you experiment with deep-frying everything?

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I know Scotland went rogue and started this trend with deep-fried Mars bars, but America has taken this way too far and it's time to stop before someone gets hurt.

14. Why are you going around calling jam "jelly"?

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Jelly is something you get with ice cream at a child's birthday party, not something you spread on toast.

15. And why are you calling crisps "chips"?

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Chips are something you get from a chip shop when you're too lazy too cook anything, not something you eat as a casual snack between meals.

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