1.
The fox I planted last year is coming along nicely.
2.
Brexit Britain
3.
So bored on this train journey that I changed the words in Vogue by Madonna to reference Coronation Street characters that I could think of off the top of my head 🤷🏻♂️ https://t.co/yQM7udPEA6
4.
Why does ma Nana’s dog look like he’s trying tae see what he wants tae order from the chippy
5.
I can't decide if this is Inverness being super friendly by having signs specifically dedicated to giving Little Mix directions, or being horrible by trying to start rumours about them. https://t.co/0U8G3CE2TK
6.
Thought he was holding a sea bass in his hand for a minute then https://t.co/vqQNsltxPp
7.
Went down to breakfast, came back up and the Maids cleaned the room and made the bed with Henry still sleeping 😭😭😭😭😩😩 https://t.co/nMSmKalJRz
8.
Boys it's gonna be NINE DEGREES tomorrow night. I'm hopping. I'm fucking rearing to go. A grand cool sleep. The window closed. Fuck off flies. All your limbs under the blanket. Two fuken blankets. A cup of tea. Fuck off flies. Gonna be S W E E T
9.
London, here, reminding me that I can’t even afford to die.
10.
when I'm depressed I remember the time Bear Grylls was stung by a bee and morphed into Benedict Cumberbatch and I find that that helps a lot https://t.co/Len3M9rvlx
11.
Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1000s of pictures you have of them sleeping
12.
You won Croatia. Enjoy the final I hope it makes you very happy. Dear lord what a sad little life. You ruined our tournament completely so you could have the final spot. I hope you use the prize money to get some lessons on grace and decorum.. https://t.co/cj7MUL223R
13.
Kinda just at the stage of my life where I don’t no what to fucking do with it, full time job??? Unii??? Go travel to Greece and live in that farmhouse like that mum off mamma Mia did???? I dunno breakdown due soon tho xxxx
14.
THERE IS A GOOSE AT THE DOOR WATCHING THE FOOTBALL!
15.
if you can fix a car, you can fix a truck if you can inflate tires on a bike, you can fix ᴛʜᴇ ᴀ-57 ᴄᴏʙʀᴀ-ᴛɪᴛᴀɴ ᴀᴛᴛᴀᴄᴋ ʜᴇʟɪᴄᴏᴘᴛᴇʀ if you can peel an orange, you can fix ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀᴄʜ-9 sᴛᴇᴀʟᴛʜ ᴀssᴀᴜʟᴛ ᴍɪᴅᴅʟᴇ ᴇᴀsᴛᴇʀɴ ʙᴀʙʏ ᴀɴɴɪʜɪʟᴀᴛᴏʀ 4000
16.
This is how British people measure inflation https://t.co/lFlLppeLA0
17.
If I was a goalkeeper
18.
Me fucked in the smoking area with someone who I’ve known for 45 seconds https://t.co/XNc2xxXoy6
19.
Three years ago, I married the love of my life and my sister fell over