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44 Jokes About Animals Guaranteed To Make You Laugh

"There's literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house."

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1. My Wife by @lanyardigan

Please. My wife. She's very sick.

2. Bear Attack by @tigersgoroooar

There’s gotta be a few seconds during a bear attack where the bear is huggin you and you’re just like “aww.”


3. Apples by @GarrettCake


4. Existential Cat by @SimplyNigel

When life is getting so deep you have to stop being a cat for a min to collect your thoughts

5. ilovedogs by @ruinedpicnic

[please enter a password] ilovedogs [password must contain at least one capital] iloveparisdogs

6. Wolf Vows by @DanKCharnley

if i ever get married, i will absolutely mention wolves in my vows

7. How Many Chameleons? by Megan Amram

There's literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house


8. Bird Guide by @joeheenan

As I'm one of Britain's leading ornithologists, here's a guide to some birds you might see in your garden this summer

9. Duck Search History by @marinhubka

Duck internet search history: Bread Bread pudding? what is "breadwinner" how to become breadwinner where to win bread Duck boobs Free bread

10. Bird Swing by @sad_tree

Good thing you put a swing in your birds cage he's probably on that thing like "MAN THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN FLYING"

11. Animal Testing by @BoobsRadley

I'm against animal testing, unless of course you're testing little top hats and miniature sunglasses.

12. Space Lobster by @nevesytrof

Lobster in a bucket or MIGHTY SPACE CRUSTACEAN?


13. We Talked About This by @NicCageMatch

Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"

14. Male Seahorse by @trumpetcake

I'm similar to a male seahorse in the following ways: 1.) cool hair 2.) baby pouch 3.) never seen an owl up close

15. Porcupine Sex by @Bill_Nye_tho


16. Parachute Dog by @UpturnedBathtub

I like to imagine that this dog has just completed a parachute jump and landed on a woman.

17. Boop by @jazmasta

"Boop" - Zebra walking past a self service checkout.


18. Tattoos Are Like Cats by @NotDeakins

Tattoos are like cats. You get one, then you have to get another, then you get more and more until you have to get rid of them using lasers.

19. Elephant Friend by @70Ceeks

Elephant: remember texting last night? Drunk: No E: Remember in college when u peed the bed? D: No E: Remember in '97- D: We cant be friends

20. Otter Talks by @thhamilton

21. Search History by @AbrasiveGhost

Search History: Cat armor Buy armor for cats Cat jousting tournaments How to stop armored cats Cat army how to stop national guard phone #

22. Public Breastfeeding by @radtoria

People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to STFU. What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.


23. For A Price by @tinydinosaurs

"I can kill your husband.... for a price"

24. Sad Cats by @PhilJamesson

WHEN CATS ARE SAD Bartender: What'll ya have? Cat: Shot of rum. [Bartender pours it] [Cat slowly pushes it off the bar] Cat: Another.

25. Koala Question by @sarcasm_inc

*wakes up in the middle of the night* can koalas even walk

26. Spoilt Cat by @liz_buckley

Sometimes I wonder if I spoil the cat, seeing him with his iPad, in his yurt.

27. Vet by @KyleMcDowell86

Vet: I'm afraid were going to have to put your dog down Me: Ok... Rex... Ur stupid Vet:Ur the worst Me:Ur a bad dog Vet: Nobody likes u

28. Deer Reflexes by @EndhooS

I have deer like reflexes... "Don't you mean cat like?" [Hears a twig snapping in a nearby Bush] *just fucking bolts with incredible grace*

29. Meeting The Parents by @CrapTaxidermy

When you go to your Girlfriends parents house for the first time...

30. Second Date by @longwall26

I know it's only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like to buy your dog.

31. Pet burial by @thewritertype

Confuse future archeologists by burying your pets in elaborate military uniforms.

32. Excited by @_blotty

When you meet a dog and it's a good dog and a hand has to hold your head up because ur so excited and you're a baby

33. Seaworld by @FrenulumBreve

[Seaworld] Look, that shark has a head like a big hammer [shark leans over glass enclosure] Look, that kid's got a nose like a frickin dildo

34. The sweariest animal by @MatCro

The sweariest animal in Africa is the hippopottymouth. Closely followed by the fucking giraffe.

35. Parrot by @RuthePhoenix

Really worried about my parrot. He keeps saying "I can't go on. I hate my life." My roommate is too selfish to notice. Always busy crying.

36. Mortgage Adviser by @IncrediblyRich

37. Gender by @jazmasta

If you are unsure whether your kitten is male or female try this: - Tickle it - If HE laughs it's a male - If SHE laughs it's a female

38. Bear Tracks by @ceejoyner

Our guide called the bear tracks I found bike tracks. Laugh it up pal, but if these bears are on bikes we're all going to die out here.

39. Superior Intellect by @NicestHippo

CATS: We got a lifetime of naps and belly rubs. What about you? HUMANS: Superior intellect C: Cool what's it for? H: Math and feeling bad

40. Janet by @MrLloydSpandex

Janet, please, I know you're in there! Let's just talk this over!

41. Spider-horse by @pharmasean

Guys, be glad that spider bit peter Parker and not a horse. I mean could you imagine, could you even imagine.

42. Cat Tree by @zoebread

firemen keep harvesting my cat tree

43. Picture Of A Horse by @tinytwink

Had a bad day? Life getting you down a bit? Take a look at my 4yr olds picture of a horse. You're welcome. .

44. Chased By A Giraffe by @AmberTozer

If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans sorry giraffe but I gotta do what's best for me


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