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I Watched "Gremlins" For The First Time And I'll Never Be The Same Again

GIZMO IS A NATIONAL TREASURE.

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Hello! I'm Jamie, and like many humans, I LOVE movies. I've seen a whole lot of them in my lifetime, but somehow, I missed Gremlins growing up.

I'm sure you're asking "Why now?" Well, a lot of things fell into place:

1. I conducted a Christmas movie poll and found out people prefer Gremlins over Die Hard. This seemed INSANE to me, so I obviously needed to find out for myself.

2. It was my friend Karen's birthday this week, and I still harbor guilt for borrowing her Gremlins DVD for a whole year without watching it. Happy Birthday, Karen! Sorry!

3. I was watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine (also for the first time) and this scene happened:

First and foremost, I should let you know what I already knew going in:

1. Gremlins can't eat after midnight and are allergic to water or something.

2. Gizmo is the main gremlin.

3. They're not actually called "gremlins". Their species starts with an "M". Mowgli?

That's all.

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So, here are all of thoughts I had while watching Gremlins for the first time, more than 30 years after it was released...

1. Well, so far this is a very different vibe from what I expected.

2. Whoever this guy is, he has PRACTICED this sales pitch.

3. Apparently, he's some sad inventor. He squirted toothpaste all over himself. Oh no!

4. Okay, so they're called Mogwais. (Which, I have since learned is "monster" in Cantonese.)

5. The rules have been established. I knew most of them! No sunlight, no water, no eating after midnight.

6. I legit did not know Chris Columbus wrote this movie. Promising.

7. Wait. The inventor's son, Billy, is an adult?

8. AND WORKS WITH PHOEBE CATES?

9. I also didn't know Judge Reinhold reunited with Phoebe Cates in this film. (I love Fast Times.)

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10. Wow, what is this Wicked Witch entrance? Dang! Mrs. Deagle is scary AF.

11. Oh, they are literally doing The Wizard of Oz word for word. Wait, is this whole movie a Wizard of Oz parody? (Update: it is not.)

12. Time to gift Gizmo to this ADULT who already has a pet.

13. We need to take a moment to appreciate what a GOOD BOY Billy's dog is. He sees a mysterious creature and doesn’t even bark or get jealous of his best friend's new pet.

14. Alright, Gizmo is fucking ADORABLE. I get the appeal.

15. Bless Corey Feldman.

16. OMG water DUPLICATES them??? Whoa. Gizmo is a dad!

17. Oh, there's Stripe. I see what Rosa sees in him.

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18. "While everybody else opens up presents, they're opening up their wrists." WHOOAAAA Phoebe Cates is DARK. Into it.

19. Is this dog going to die??? I will be pissed if this dog dies.

20. Wait, does eating after midnight kill them?

21. Oh, no, they're going to hatch a new form! SHIT. Mega gremlins!

22. These practical effects are pretty sweet.

23. Ooooh I totally knew they looked like this eventually. (I'm also realizing Rosa was probably referring to the hatched version of Stripe and not his OG form.)

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24. Oh no, they seem super smart!

25. Whoa, mom is BADASS. She is slaughtering these gremlins.

26. Okay, this mom blows all other '80s moms out of the water. She has infinite patience and is incredibly kind when it comes to her husband's bad inventions and she can HANDLE HERSELF in a crisis.

27. Gizmo is ALMOST as cute as baby Groot, and I am not okay. The fact that he's a puppet is even better.

28. Oh nooo, another one is going to multiply! Wow, these rules really do carry the film. Such simple/brilliant writing.

29. Where TF is Judge Reinhold?

30. Jonathan Banks!!! It's amazing how many movies he did before Breaking Bad. He was also in Beverly Hills Cop in 1984, FYI.

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31. Holy shit, there are a lot of gremlins.

32. This music is pretty amazing.

33. Hahahaha omg Mrs. Deagle's death was RIDICULOUS.

34. WHY is Phoebe Cates serving these crazy gremlins drinks? Get the hell out of there, woman!

35. This bar scene is top-notch. These costumed gremlins and their various personalities are fantastic.

36. If the end credits don't include the photos Phoebe took of the gremlins, I'm gonna be mad.

37. Oh. My. God. The story of how Phoebe's dad died is INSANE. That would have FOR SURE scarred me for life had I seen this as a child.

38. Gremlins watching Snow White! My heart!

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39. I still can't get over that dad story. That was so dark.

40. Gremlin with a gun? Yikes.

41. E.T. cameo, of course.

42. Is that a bruise on Pheobe Cates' face or is her blush just OUT OF CONTROL? (Hard to tell, because I know my mom rocked some extreme blush in the early '80s.)

43. Why is he having so much trouble killing Stripe when he easily murdered ALL of the other gremlins in one single swoop?

44. Ah, well, RIP Stripe.

45. No! Don't take Gizmo away!

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46. Gizmo saying "Bye, Billy" is WITHOUT A DOUBT the cutest thing I've ever seen.

47. Oh man, Mr. Wing seeming genuinely interested in Dad's ashtray invention was such a pure moment.

49. "So if your air conditioner goes on the fritz, or your washing machine blows up, or your video recorder conks out, before you call the repairman, turn on all the lights, check all the closets and cupboards, look under all the beds, 'cause you never can tell. There just might be a gremlin in your house." YASSSS.

49. Wait. Did we just never see Judge Reinhold again? Did I miss him somehow?

50. Wow. That was great. I LOVED it. (But I still prefer Die Hard.)

51. Well, the only logical thing to do now is watch Gremlins 2 and meet that lady gremlin (who I know exists, because of a meme).