In honor of the 25th anniversary of the release of Mystic Pizza, it's time to celebrate what the Arujo sisters, vixen Daisy (Julia Roberts) and future Yalee Kat (Annabeth Gish), and their best friend Jojo (Lil Taylor) taught the children of the '80s who loved it and Matt Damon fans who discovered the movie years later as the first credited speaking role on his resume.
From advice on marriage to valuing tradition, read on to revisit the sleepy Connecticut town where the hair was huge and the pizza sauce secrets were even bigger.
1. It's really sexy to be good at pool.
2. Treat yo'self ... strategically.
3. This is how you get roadside assistance:
4. But dropping trou doesn't always work out well... especially in your future in-law's living room.
5. Actually, as an alternative, abandoned homes are really great places to have sex.
6. Not every girl wants to settle down.
7. The married guy isn't going to leave his wife for you.*
As Daisy tells Kat, "If you believe this 30-year-old guy is going to leave his wife and live happily ever after with you, you're living in a fuckin' romance novel."
*Unless you're Meredith Grey.
8. Make sure you know the full story before you act...
Act meaning toss dead fish on your boyfriend's Porshe, in this case.
9. Because everything is not what it seems.
Like, the girl you think your boyfriend is cheating on you with is actually his sister.
10. So, admit when you've made a mistake.
11. Also, Lili Taylor was clearly born to do some really creepy shit.
12. Always have a designated driver.
13. Everyone has to start somewhere.
14. Two people from other worlds rarely work out.
15. But sometimes, they do.
16. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
17. Some secrets need to be taken to the grave.
Seriously, Leona, WHAT DO YOU PUT IN THE PIZZA?!