There's no doubt that you've heard of Fortnite. Besides being one of the most popular video games in the world (seriously, their Twitter account mentioned a casual 350 million registered players back in May 2020), it's grown to become a cultural phenomenon thanks to its pop culture-related skins, dances and collaborations with artists.
Now, although Fortnite was released way back in 2017, I've yet to play it. It's been on my to-game list since about forever, but you know, life happened. So, I thought it was finally time to get my feet wet and see what I've been missing this entire time.
1. Yes, I'm so excited to finally play Fortnite. I can't believe it took me this long.
2. Oh, there's a new patch? Okay, I'll download that real quick.
3. *Five hours later because the internet moves at a snail's pace in Australia.*
4. OKAY, LET'S START!!!
5. What mode to play? Hmm, where is the beginner's one?
6. Uhh, looks like there isn't one. Alright, I guess we're going into Battle Royale.
7. Do...do I just go into a game? How am I confused already — it's been like two minutes.
8. OH, OH WAIT, I'M IN A GAME WITH OTHER REAL LIFE PLAYERS. NO, NO, NOOOOO.
9. *Exits the game.*
10. Idk why I did that, but that was nerve-racking. Hmm, is there a tutorial mode so I can learn the controls first?
11. *Looks.*
12. *Googles.*
13. Right, there is none, which kind of makes me sweat. Like, how will I learn??? Will I be paired with good players that will judge me???
14. Fuck it, let's just start.
15. Oh fun, people are shooting at me. What a nice greeting.
16. How are they dancing? I want to dance. SEE, THIS IS WHY A TUTORIAL MODE WOULD BE GREAT.
17. We're on *the* Battle Bus!! Love how people are thanking the driver. How do I do that?
18. Wait, I need to select when I get off. Okay, I got this.
19. NO I DON'T, I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME.
20. Surely there is some strategy to this, but I guess I'll aim to start somewhere in the middle of the map.
21. She's falling, wheeeeeee. I'm getting excited now.
22. Do I want to skydive or use a glider? I just don't want to die immediately, tbh.
23. I'm falling ever so slowly. Can people see me? Will someone shoot me out of the sky?
24. PEOPLE ARE ALREADY DYING??? IT'S BEEN LIKE TWO SECS. THIS IS TRULY SOME HUNGER GAMES SHIT.
25. Gotta find me a gun, this pickaxe looks like it won't do any sort of damage.
26. Run, run, run.
27. BUILDING! Score!! I have a Med Kit too...how do I use that?
28. Eh, guess I'll learn.
29. There's a chest! I'll take those items, yoink.
30. Did I take the chest items? Was there nothing inside? Idk, I feel like I've been here too long, so let's scram.
31. Run, run, run.
32. Hellooooooooo. Where is everyone?
33. Ooh, I'm a ~survivor~. I made it into the top 50 by just existing, love that.
34. The storm is getting kiiinda intense, so I need to head more into the circle. There's a boat...can I use it? Yes, yes I can.
35. YIKES!!! HOW DO I CONTROL THIS THING AND HOW COME IT MOVES ON LAND TOO???
36. Beep, beep, binch. This thing has some serious firepower too.
37. Omg, no. I clicked a button and it started going faster. GET ME OFF, GET ME OFFFF.
38. Phew. I'll stick with running for now.
39. AHhHhHhhH I SEE SOMEONE IN THE DiSTaNCE.
40. Don't move so I can kill you, pls.
41. NO, DON'T ATTACK ME. PEW, PEW, TAKE THAT.
42. I TOLD YOU, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE MY MED KIT. STOP YELLING AT ME, STUPID GAME!!!
43. I ACCIDENTALLY SWITCHED TO MY PICKAXE, NOOOOO. JUMP, DODGE, RUUUUUN.
44. I'm dead.
45. But I placed 25th and that doesn't feel horrible.
46. Ooh, now I'm watching someone else play. I can tell they know shit by the way they keep looking behind themselves while they run. Also, cool skin.
47. Wait, does that mean people were watching ME? I hope not because if so, then they just saw me face a wall and click some buttons for a good couple of minutes to figure out the controls.
48. Let's try another match.
49. Oh...I'm a man this time. Like, I don't mind, but how do I ~customise~?
50. Still don't know how to thank the driver. Note to self: Figure that out because it feels rude not to thank them.
51. Let's try to land in a more populated area this time. I want more action.
52. Here seems good.
53. No wait, idk where I am. Let's scavenge the area anyway.
54. Guns, nice...and some shield potion that I do not know how to use.
55. Don't be sassy with me, inventory. I know I have three, but let me drink ONE.
56. No, I don't want to split it.
57. NOOOOOO, I don't want to drop it.
58. Sigh, let's just continue.
59. YAAAAY, I found another chest. Gimme, gimme.
60. Oh, I see. You have to hold down the square button instead of just clicking it, which means I did not properly search that chest before in the first round. I feel like the biggest dummy right now.
61. An upgrade bench? What.
62. Let's just run around a little and find some people to pew-pew at.
63. Run, run, run.
64. Wow, the graphics are actually really nice in Fortnite. Like, the scenery in this purple place is very pretty.
65. Top 50 just for existing again. Nice.
66. WHERE IS EVERYONE?? Should I run more to the centre of the circle?
67. Why is the game pointing me in the direction of this landmark? Is that where everyone is heading?
68. Look, I don't know where else to go, so to the landmark it is
69. No mum, stop talking to me. I'm concentrating. I'm Fortnite-ing.
70. She just called this "another running game", which is very funny because when my sister and I used to play WoW that's what she would call it too.
71. Soooooo much running. I kind of miss the boat.
72. OH HELLO, I SEE YOU. I'm prepared this time, lemme get my first kill.
73. WHY ARE YOU NOT DYING?? WHAT GODLY ARMOUR DO YOU HAVE EQUIPPED????
74. Oh no, Med Kit needed!!! Maybe I just equip it or something?
75. BAD IDEA, WHAT IS THIS MAP THING??? AHHhHHH *intense screaming.*
76. JUST RUN, RUN TO THE LAKE, WHERE HE CAN'T CATCH YOU.
78. Dead again. Ugh.
79. But I came 17th, so that's what we call improvement.
80. Even though my survival was basically me just not running into anyone, but sssh.
81. I wonder what time it is now...wait it's been over an hour since I started?! How, I've literally only played two rounds? That felt like 10 minutes, tops.
82. My perfectionist gene is kicking in, especially since I'm *somehow* not amazing at this game on my first play.
83. Is it because I'm old? My knees do be cracking a lot nowadays.
84. Nah, I just need to get into the game more. Then finally, I will pew-pew someone and get my first kill. Heh, heh, heh.
85. Also, what's up with the whole building concept in Fortnite?
86. Guess that's something else I'm set to learn.
87. Wait, am I an *official* Fortnite player now? Wow, love that. Look out twelvies, I'm gonna get you (no, you'll probably get me and that's okay).
What was your first experience like playing Fortnite?
