1. Let’s all stare at the camera.
2. The camera is to your left, Ryan Phillippe! Pay attention.
3. “Can you guys even see me?” Yes, Josh Hartnett, we can. Just stand on your box and stop talking.
4. Jerry O’Connell, can you practice your Blue Steel later?
5. Dammit, Jonny Lee Miller! I don’t know how people do things in the UK, but when I say look at the camera, I mean LOOK AT IT.
6. Charles S. Dutton, guns are not “hip.” Give it to me now, please.
7. James Marsden… why… are you so close to me? Please step back.
8. Don’t be so shocked, Josh. We liked your work in the Halloween poster, you totally deserve the front spot. Don’t cry.
9. David, we talked about that mustache. It’s gotten completely out of control.
10. We know you have an Oscar, Ben. You don’t have to be so smug about it.
11. No one cares who the human actors are, so we’ll just do that Scream silhouette thing.
12. Don’t give me that look, Moesha. Jennifer gets top billing because Time Of Your Life is a masterpiece.
13. Joshua Jackson, I’m pretty sure whatever’s to your left has absolutely nothing to do with all of this broken glass.
14. You know what? Do whatever you want, we’re just going to obscure your faces anyway.
15. Maybe don’t do whatever you want. Please close your mouths. That’s gross.
16. A little less “smize” a little more “I’m trapped inside a large butcher knife,” Tyra.
17. I don’t know what Steve Zahn is doing here either, Leelee, but just go with it.
18. Hold your breath when we turn on the pink smoke machine, I don’t watch to take pictures of coughing!
19. No one knows who you people are, so we’re just going to increase the font size.
20. Wes, stop pouting. Eliza’s on Buffy and none of our target demographic has seen American Beauty.
21. This one’s technically a dark comedy, so let’s add a whimsical apple.
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