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15 Of The Worst Places To Poop

Because pooping can be stressful.

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1. At Work

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Oh, is that your boss taking a loud dump next to you? Or is that your boss who just walked into the stall next to you as YOU’RE taking a loud dump? Or has every co-worker decided to come in and have a rousing conversation about Mondays while you're pooping like a maniac? No matter what, everything is terrible.

2. On an Airplane

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“Everyone must return to their seats for landing, including the crazy person smelling up the back of the cabin who has been in there for way too long and, like, are you DEAD IN THERE!?”

3. On a Date

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“I’m sorry, I have to excuse myself for a solid 10 minutes so you’ll definitely know what I’m doing while I’m gone.”

4. The Bus/Train

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On a bus or long train ride? A nice alternative to pooping there is to just smash open the window with your shoe/a small child and throw yourself out of said smashed window.

5. Rest Stops

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Oh, it smells like a bleach-soaked dirty diaper? And there’s a screaming child at the urinal? And there’s no toilet paper? And the toilet seat is covered in pee? Great. Have fun trying to hover-poop.

6. In School After Class

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“How’d you do on that test today?”

“DON’T TALK TO ME I’M SHITTING.”

(inversely: pooping in the bathroom during class is a person-free heaven)

7. A Concert

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A stress poop like no other — get ready to sweat and feel really terrible about your life.

8. At Home When You’ve Brought a Date Back With You

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Putting on some mood music won’t drown out your farts or the smell, no matter how hard you try. But you don’t want to risk pooping during sex… or do you?

9. A Bar

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Just hold it. Everyone is drunk and they will knock on the door relentlessly until you’re poop-shamed into giving up when you’re only half finished. And if you do stink it up, expect every drunk person to loudly talk about it.

10. Any Public Restroom While It's Being Cleaned

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GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!

11. A Pet Store When You Have Your Pet With You

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Your pet will look you in the eye the entire time while furiously sniffing the air. The confused look they give you will be enough to never make you want to poop ever again.

12. A Hotel Room

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The person you’re sharing it with will hear you and will smell it. So, you know, good luck with that.

13. Starbucks

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You’re either standing in line behind 789 other people waiting to poop, or you’re pooping while 789 other people are waiting for you to finish so they can poop.

14. A House Party

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Basically the same as pooping at a bar but MAYBE with better ventilation.

15. Your Pants

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You learn a lot about yourself when you’ve shit your pants as an adult — but, like, not in a good Fight Club-y kinda way.

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