1. Lock your doors and invest in an alarm system.
Unless you want burglars, people in llama costumes, or tragic clowns to get in.
2. Try new foods.
You don’t know. Roasted watermelon might be your new favorite.
3. Everyone sucks when they first try something.
But if you stick with it, eventually you’ll achieve your goals.
4. Friendships take time and effort.
You can’t just expect people to stay in your life with no interaction.
6. Everyone goes through an awkward stage.
Some are just better at hiding it than others.
7. Don’t laugh when people say they’ve been abducted by aliens.
You never know when they’ll come for you next.
8. Cats are assholes.
That’s it. That’s the life lesson.
9. Don’t let anyone hold you back.
Even the laws of physics.
10. Always dance like no one’s watching.
Even when the whole town is actually watching.
11. Some people are just not meant to be parents.
But they’ll have kids anyway.
12. Cynicism is inevitable.
With age comes sarcastic humor.
13. Always know where the bathroom is.
Wetting your pants in public will scar you for life.
14. Everyone has a different idea of fun.
Find what makes you happy — whether it’s gardening, reading, or churning butter.
15. When in doubt, hit it with a hammer until it works.
Because plumbers and electricians are expensive.
17. Everybody hates and/or fear clowns.
E V E R Y B O D Y.
18. Our entire lives are about working to buy stuff.
Only to realize that stuff isn’t good enough and now we need BETTER STUFF.
19. You can’t cheat death.
But you can invite him in for a cup of coffee.
20. If you’re lucky, you’ll go out like a bad ass.
Hey, there are worse ways to go.
21. Cultivating a romance takes time and effort.
But the pay off is completely worth it.
22. True love is rare.
But if you find it even death can’t diminish its lasting effect on your life.
- President Obama said that he was "deeply disturbed" by the video showing the police shooting of black teenager Laquan McDonald in Chicago. ›
- Frank Gifford's family says the NFL star had CTE, the degenerative brain disease linked to football. He died in August. ›
- And President Obama actually made his daughters laugh at the annual White House turkey pardon. ›