I Was Obsessed With “Smash” Eight Years Ago, So I Rewatched The Pilot And There's So Much To Unpack

    There's no way musicals are written this quickly.

    Hope Lasater
    by Hope Lasater

    BuzzFeed Staff

    The year was 2012. President Obama was nearing the end of his first term, neon jeans were all the rage, and Smash premiered on NBC. Society would never be the same.

    The "Smash" title from the show
    NBC

    I was a wee sixth grader who loved acting, singing, and dancing, like a nerd. So, naturally, I fell head-over-heels for Smash, a show about the making of a Marilyn Monroe musical.

    Even writing that makes me face the fact that this show was wild from its conception.

    Now, eight years later, I decided to revisit my old obsession and see where it stands.

    NBC / Via giphy.com

    I haven't seen Smash in 42 years and I am scared.

    Okay, we start with Karen Cartwright (our lead, played by Katharine McPhee) nailing Somewhere Over the Rainbow during an audition. She imagines she's on a fancy stage.

    Karen singing on an imaginary stage in her mind
    NBC

    The director is a jerk and that's the scene.

    Ah, yep, then we get Ivy Lynn (our other lead, played by Megan Hilty) being either sexualized or body-shamed in her audition. Fun stuff.

    Ivy walks in and says, "Hi you guys," she leans down and then the casting people look at her butt and each other
    NBC

    And it seems like these two women have different takes on life! What a source for conflict!

    We suddenly cut to a new scene, and OMG it's these two! Julia Houston and Tom Levitt, musical writing partners extraordinaire (played by Debra Messing and Christian Borle, respectively), have arrived!

    NBC

    Or, as I knew Christian Borle in 2012, Emmett from the Legally Blonde musical.

    I feel like I remember Tom's assistant, Ellis Boyd (Jaime Cepero), is secretly evil or something.

    The character Ellis
    NBC

    Yeah, he's too nice, there's got to be a turn there.

    Oh, look, it's, "let's be weird about and stereotype our assistant" o'clock!

    Tom says, "And so cute, oh my god," Julia says, "uh, straight, so straight" and then Tom says, "You don't know that, he made a tea drawer"
    NBC

    There's a lot to unpack here.

    After noticing Ellis was reading a book about Marilyn Monroe, they discuss her for a hot sec and Ellis straight-up says, "I think she'd made a great musical" to these two...musical writers. The audacity. Also, they get into it way too casually.

    Tom says to Julia, "She married Joe DiMaggio, you could do a baseball number"
    NBC

    Ellis is weirdly invested in talking about Marilyn Monroe.

    Karen is hanging out with her boyfriend, Dev Sundaram (Raza Jaffrey), while she's at work. Dev works at the mayor's office, seems nice, supports Karen's dreams, and is English. That's the character. Also, I truly do not know what to say about this line.

    Karen says, "Why do I have to be sexy all the time, I wish I was fat'
    NBC

    She's talking about how she doesn't get roles because they say she isn't sexy enough, which is absolutely not chill, but, what the hell.

    Later that night, Julia discusses the possibility of a Marilyn Monroe musical with her family. She asks her sulky teenage son, Leo (Emory Cohen), what person comes to mind when she says "Marilyn" and he has an answer that genuinely baffles me.

    Julia says to her son, "think a person, Marilyn the person" and he says, "Marilyn Manson"
    NBC

    Lolllllll what??? Whose first "Marilyn" is Manson? This kid then literally says, "Who's Marilyn Monroe?"

    Note: My co-worker's first Marilyn was Manson and I am shocked to my core.

    Ivy is in the chorus of Julia and Tom's most recent show, so they call on her to sing a demo for their first Marilyn Monroe song. It's "Never Give All The Heart!" I'm 12 years old again!

    Ivy is singing and Tom is playing the piano
    NBC

    Remember Karen and her boyfriend, Dev, who's English and works at the mayor's office? Well, they're having dinner with Karen's parents. The vibe is weird. Oh, and this guy (Dylan Baker) plays Karen's dad. I love it.

    Actor Dylan Baker plays Karen's father
    NBC

    That is a wildly inappropriate thing to say! At the dinner table!

    Her dad says, "Karen, we know what kind of money you make, you're a waitress"
    NBC

    These parents are something else.

    Karen's dad says, "And sometimes, sweetie, dreams just don't mix with reality"
    NBC

    Suddenly, we have a problem. Guy Who Is Definitely Evil (Tom's assistant, Ellis) put "Never Give All The Heart" on YouLenz. Julia and Tom were far from ready to get people's opinions on it!

    A laptop screen with a tab for "YouLenz" open, playing a video of Ivy singing
    NBC

    Apparently the video is "everywhere."

    But that YouLenz video seemingly ignites all of Broadway! Producer Eileen Rand (Anjelica Huston) meets with Tom and Julia while she's in the middle of a messy divorce. All you really need to know about Eileen is that she goes after what she wants and Anjelica Huston is amazing.

    Eileen says, "Rumors of my death have been vastly exaggerated"
    NBC

    That's also not the expression.

    Eileen is going to produce it and she wants them to meet with director Derek Wills (Jack Davenport), who Tom hates with a fiery passion. But Derek auditions anyway and directs a number for the show. They do "The National Pastime!" I will never get this space in my brain back.

    Ivy and the dancers performing the song
    NBC

    This choreography is shockingly sexual.

    I really love the mix of reality and fantasy.

    NBC

    Really soon, they're already auditioning people to play Marilyn Monroe! I do not understand how, but we digress. Ivy, all dressed up, runs to her audition, which she is doing even though she did the demo and Derek's audition. Ivy gets catcalled and all I have to say about that is LET WOMEN BE!!!

    Ivy is running to her audition, dressed as Marilyn Monroe, and a man catcalls her and says, "Slow down now, mama"
    NBC

    Karen auditions too and Derek frankly ogles her in a way that is quite concerning.

    Hey! I see you, Broadway star Annaleigh Ashford! She's auditioning for Marilyn Monroe, too. It does not go well.

    Broadway star Annaleigh Ashford playing a character dressed as Marilyn Monroe in an audition
    NBC

    But Karen got a callback! And why do I vividly remember this apartment?

    Karen in her apartment
    NBC

    The director — who does not know Karen at all — texted her to come to his house at night???? THIS IS NOT OKAY.

    Derek says to Karen, who is wearing workout clothing, "But let me be blunt, you come for a private meeting with the director at 10 o'clock at night dressed, well..."
    NBC

    Because sexual harassment was fine in 2012.

    NOT OKAY NOT OKAY NOT OKAY.

    Karen sings "Happy birthday" like Marilyn Monroe in Derek's white button-down, with no pants, and gets on his lap before sliding next to him
    NBC

    She leaves by saying, "Not gonna happen." But that does not make this whole thing acceptable.

    The next morning, Karen is totally chill and looks great while she sings and heads to her callback. This outfit is amazing.

    Karen in a leather-jacket-type jacket and a tight midi dress with a cherry pattern
    NBC

    But Ivy's on her way to her callback, too. I feel like this picture sums up Smash.

    Ivy belting in a white dress, with a fur shawl and pink over-the-ear headphones
    NBC

    The outfit, the headphones, the belting.

    Ending with "Let Me Be Your Star" at the callback is great. What a number. What a time to be alive.

    Via NBC

    Wow!! Okay, so Smash is: a) super misogynistic, b) cheesy in an artsy way that makes it even more cheesy, and c) still suuuuuuch a classic in my heart.

    Thanks for going on this journey with me! And remember, never give all the heart.

    JK! Love is great. Don't take advice from Smash songs.